


Drunk in Love

by poopsiekittens



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol, Ass Play, Attraction, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Sexual Situations, Ben Solo should really tell Rey who he is, Ben Solo's never fallen in love, Consent, Dirty Talk, Drunk Blow Jobs, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Mentions of Violence, Modern AU, Oral Sex, Parents Han and Leia, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Phone Sex, Playful Sex, Romantic Comedy, Sweet Ben Solo, Vomiting, Yes I realize the title of this fic may be innapropriate given the backstory but I don't care, almost not really actually, it was Poe, mentions of troubled youth, pretty filthy, they are adults, they weren't the greatest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 17:29:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20782376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poopsiekittens/pseuds/poopsiekittens
Summary: When Sex Ed Youtuber Rey reaches 1 million subscribers, she and her friends go to their usual spot to celebrate, but the night goes quite differently than what she imagined.'‘Hey, how about I get you some water?’ he asks, a little bit amused, a little bit annoying with his entirely too sober face.She snorts and then, all caution or normal social behaviour thrown out the window goes back to whisper in his ear ‘I want to suck your cock’.'





	1. Dancing Shoes

**'Oh and the shit, shock, the horror**

**You've seen your future bride**

**Yeah, but it's oh so absurd**

**For you to say the first word**

**So you're waiting and waiting and -' Arctic Monkeys**

The atmosphere tonight is suffocating. It’s the end of the semester and Rey’s and Rose’s pub is packed. In all fairness, it’s not their pub, but it’s the place they used to go to all the time during their Uni years and after Finn and Poe joined their little club, they never bothered to change ‘cocktail night’ to another place.

It’s not what it used to be anymore either. It used to be a pub, but over the years the owners changed the vibe and nowadays it’s more like a tiny music club. But Rose is doing her post-grad and Finn works so close to campus, it just makes sense for them to still be coming here, even though tonight she feels a bit old to be in the mayhem that the end of the semester is. Poe kinda became an instant part of their group once he started working with her as her videographer and appearing often as a guest on her channel, bringing the LGBT perspective to the table.

Rey decided that a career in academia was not for her and transitioned, or, more specifically, was swept into, what was her regular occupation. Basically, a Sex Ed Youtuber who, after a few years of scrambling, found a solid audience and great funding from Sol_O for continuing her work on Youtube. Which is crazy, really, as she can’t say she’s ever been too sexually adventurous or anything, but she was raised her to be proud of her body and not ashamed of the things it wanted and did, and that was how it all started.

Tonight they're celebrating her reaching 1 million subscribers and it is a very big deal. So it’s not any surprise that Rey is actually quite drunk and the alcohol is slowly working to remind her how overworked she’s been, how lonely, and how much she needs to have fun tonight.

By the time they’re on their 5th drinks (not counting the tequila shots), Poe had already found a guy to hook up with. He’s extremely handsome, auburn-haired and British, like her, but for some reason, for gay men the accent is a magnet while for her it never seems to work in the same way. Finn and Rose have been a couple for some time now, but not long enough that they wouldn’t get very touchy-feely after a certain amount of alcohol, so by the time they’re dancing maybe a little too close to each other, and Poe is very obviously feeling up her countryman on the dancefloor, Rey knows it’s either time she finds someone to hook up with or just go home.

She gets up from the table, a little wobbly and feeling the effects of the sugary drinks fighting against her very low alcohol tolerance. She sees Poe saying something in the ear of his dancing partner, which Rey can imagine is along the lines of something he would very much like to stick in places that she doesn’t really want to think about. The new guy just turns to her instead and lifts his arm, says something and points somewhere in the crowd, confusing Rey.

The music is way too loud and flashing lights are really messing with her concentration and she’s starting to think maybe the best way to celebrate the rest of the night is at home with the rest of her jar of Nutella.

‘Hi, I am Armie’ the new guy shouts again.

‘Rey’, she shouts as clearly as she can with her currently slurred speech.

‘I know, Poe, said’. Then makes some desperate hand gestures towards somewhere at her back and says ‘ This is my friend, Ben’.

She turns and comes almost nose to chest with a quite tall someone who immediately steps back when she starts seriously teetering on the edge of losing her balance with the movement. He kindly catches her upper arm and steadies her.

‘Hi’, he tells her, she guesses, because this place is way too loud and her vision is way too blurry for making small talk with strangers, but he’s tall and deliciously widely built, his hair looks quite soft and nice and his hand was warm on her bicep earlier.

Through the haze, she takes a better look at him and sees his hands are now in his pockets. He looks decidedly uncomfortable and isn't dancing. He keeps glancing at Armie and Poe annoyed and even through her drunkenness she can guess that he’s in pretty much the same situation as her, just sober.

Armie comes next to them, holding Poe who looks absolutely high on feromones, grabs both of Rey and Ben’s shoulders and says ‘You two should fuck, we are going for a smoke!’ and walks away, Poe in toe. _Poe doesn’t even smoke, the absolute fuck!_

If possible, the guy looks even more uncomfortable. Sort of slouching down like he would rather be swallowed by the ground than stand in front of Rey, who blinks lazily at him, probably swaying slowly. His hand is back steadying her but she’s a bit past caring for how drunk she is.

‘Are you here just with him?’ he points in the general direction of the exit. Rey takes a moment to process this and eventually answers.

‘Ah, no, I am here with my friends’ and looks towards where Rose and Finn were dancing a few minutes ago, but they’re not there anymore, and their table is now empty.

Well, this is a shitty thing for them to do.

‘Right’, he says. And she can see that he’s pissed off now. Probably annoyed he now has the two shitty choices between letting her arm go so she could plant her face on the ground or just acting as a balancing post for her all evening.

Rey considers what her options are. His lips look soft and definitely kissable, and she rather likes his long face and the smattering of moles. The hair is one of his strongest assets, obviously, artfully waving to frame his face and cover his ears. So she shakes herself a little, forcing her speech to seem less drunk than she actually is. It takes a lot of effort, but she goes on her tiptoes and says as well as she can articulate.  ‘How about dancing?’

When she steps back, he looks like he’s assessing her, but his eyes definitely look intense when he nods, grabs her by the waist and pulls her closer. His scent hits her and -  _ Omg, it’s really been a very long time _ . Her already lowered inhibitions are now completely erased and she brings on all of her best moves. 

He seems to be an okay dancer as well, dancing quite close to her, supporting her weight when she slowly slides down his body and doesn’t seem to mind her running her hands up and down his back. So she keeps her focus on the rhythm as much as she can and the way his big hands touch her lower back or move to her shoulders according to her movements. She’s wearing a black one-shouldered dress that is held up in a choker around her neck. So basically, her shoulders and entire back are naked, but he seems to always put his hands on as neutral places as he can find.

After a while, he doesn’t look pissed off at all, but he’s watching her quite intensely and she’s feeling quite flushed and not just because of the dancing and the alcohol and he smells just so good. He’s still keeping his distance from her though and she really needs things to move along already, she hasn’t been this turned on in a very long time, so she grabs the back of his neck and pushes herself on her tiptoes to his ear.

‘Follow me’ she whispers and grabs his hand, and he follows at first but seriously slows down when they reach the bar, stopping her momentum and causing some severe vertigo to wash over her.

‘Hey, how about I get you some water?’ he asks, a little bit amused, a little bit annoying with his entirely too sober face.

She snorts and then, all caution or normal social behaviour thrown out the window goes back to whisper in his ear ‘I want to suck your cock’.

She hears his strangled breath, as close as she is, and stepping away, he is definitely not annoyed as she walks away in the direction of the toilets. _Classy._

For a moment she fears that he won’t follow as she blindly walks towards the bathrooms, but notices that there’s quite a line for both ladies and gents (waiting in line to give someone a blow is definitely not cool) so she takes a left to a closet Poe had famously visited plenty of times throughout these years. She checks for the first time to see if he’s behind her and he is, rushing to catch up like he had been standing in place for a while after she left. 

She realises that dancing and pretending she’s less drunk was quite a good idea, as now, the dizziness hits her anew and it’s the first time she chides herself for how she’s behaving, dragging a stranger in some dingy closet at a bar. But most of her brain doesn’t care and he does look positively delicious.

At the door he hesitates, but she wastes no time, pushing herself on her toes again, this time, going in for the kill and kisses him. She doesn’t have time to register more than the softness as his hands shoot up to balance her and she drags them both inside the closet and shuts the door behind him. Comically she sways pushing him against the door, in some valiant attempt to pin him down, but he’s holding her and allowing her all this, while his lips are gentler on her than they should be, his body completely pliant while she deepens the kiss and pulls a deep moan from his chest.

His mouth is delicious and electrifying and he seems to melt into the door when she pushes her fingers in his hair at the back of his head and drags her nails gently down his scalp. She couldn’t imagine this awkwardly tall guy being such a good kisser, but why wouldn’t he be, he seemed to be quite a good dancer and he smells so good. He’s following her lead and for the first time tonight, his hands start roaming on her back, in her hair, down her bottom and it’s all the encouragement she needed.

She somehow manages to untie her dress from the back of her neck, revealing the sheer bra she has underneath, and his hands are all over her with the new access, touching her breasts through the fabric and, flicking her nipples, while his mouth is roaming slowly down the side of her throat, reaching the sensitive spot on the edge of her collarbone and her moan is entirely too loud for this very public sex situation.

Thankfully, the button and zipper of his dark jeans don’t resist to her blind attempts of freeing his cock, and before long, her arm is down his underwear, grabbing his very hot, very hard erection.

_And goddamn this feels like a very good cock._

Before her brain fully processes the movement, she dips down to kneel but all the different ways her brain could use to balance her motions fail and she kinda drops unceremoniously to the ground. _Ouch._

‘Jesus Christ’ he blinks down at her like he can’t believe she’s actually there on her knees and looks entirely delicious with his hair all mussed up from her hands, his lips swollen and pink and Rey decides that this man is actually fucking gorgeous. Especially with that thick long cock hanging out from his pants all straight and pretty pink at the top, even though her vision is swimming by this point and she thinks those shots of tequila were a bad idea.

He breathes in when his brain seems to be catching up to the situation.

‘Rey, I think this - ‘

He can hear her voice but he doesn’t really have time to end the sentence before she grabs him again with one hand and pulls herself a bit closer to take him in her mouth.

‘Let me. I mean you shouldn’t - Oh fuuuuck!’’ he lets out the long expletive almost imploringly, defeated. And yes, she realises that he was at least a bit reluctant to do this, but she’s not that drunk thank you very much. She can help herself to a delicious man cock if she likes, even if she’s drunk. Especially if she’s drunk her brain supplies, even though her other values are shouting quite loudly about consent but logic has never been her strong suit when she’s this turned on. And he’s been so pliant, how could she resist anyway.

She takes him in her mouth and her brain registers he feels good, but her gestures may be a little too enthusiastic for her current state. Actually, really too enthusiastic by far as she loses all finesse and tries to shove him down her throat, which causes him to buckle against her involuntarily and she feels suddenly quite strongly like she is going to vomit.

_There goes my seduction, as this stranger is gonna see me barf in 3, 2, 1._

‘Oh fuck!’ Ben curses, this time, not as a moan but a very sobering expletive.

She scrambles away from him, still on her knees, finds a bucket close by and proceeds to vomit violently, the whole experience not helped by the fact that the bucket already smells like sick, which only causes her to continue heaving and gagging over it for longer than she needs to. His hands come from behind, one on her forehead, the other holding her hair up and yes, now this is definitely going to be the most mortifying experience of her life, especially because she always cries after vomiting. 

As she slowly gets up, here they come, the sobs bubble up and she involuntarily shakes and starts crying and babbling ‘I’m soooorryyyy…you can leave ’not only because she just threw up but also because she did it in front of this gorgeous stranger after gagging on his big handsome penis in her mouth and she should have just gone home and eaten that Nutella instead.

‘It’s alright, it’s okay’ he’s repeating on a loop as you would to a hurt puppy and it’s working somewhat to calm her. As she comes down from this very beautiful bout of self pity, she notices that he’s gently tying her dress back and his cock is nowhere in sight anymore. No wonder, who wouldn’t hide after being almost vomited on.

But he’s still here for some reason, silently soothing her hiccups and hands her a big wad of toilet paper from somewhere on a shelf. She pulls herself together when she feels a bit braver, slowly moving to get up, and he does the same, helping her up on the way.

‘I’m sorry for this, for ruining your night, for dragging you in Poe’s sex closet and almost puking on you.’ I can see myself home, you can go.’ Rey tells him a bit lamely, but he doesn’t seem upset or annoyed. He’s just looking at her, studying her face almost a bit happily like she actually succeeded in giving him a blowjob.

‘There’s nothing to worry about’ he shakes his head in amusement. ‘I was pretty sure this was a terrible idea too and hey, I was the sober one here. It wasn’t all that bad, honestly. You know, not the last part - that was horrible, but before that, I was quite enjoying you. Now that you told me what this place is and that there’s a chance Hux’s naked ass was on any of these surfaces, I would very much like to get the hell out of here.’

She blushes now, extremely self-conscious, as he opens the door and guides her out on the hallway, where even over the loud music she can hear the loud screech of Rose’s voice.

‘What the ABSOLUTE fuck Rey! Where did you go?’ as she reaches them she points at the stranger that Rey even more embarrassingly has forgotten he name of. ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing, who the fuck are you?’

Poe and his hookup are running up from behind, the redhead waving his arms to attract Rose’s attention before she maims this tall man double her size.

‘He’s my friend, I’m so sorry! I introduced them, it’s-’

Her guy (she really can’t remember his name) looks annoyed again and Finn and Poe step to each of Rose’s sides, like some fucked up Charlie’s Angels, like they didn’t dump her ass an hour ago.

‘Name’s Ben’ _BEN!_, ‘And Rey can tell you herself if she’s okay or not.’ he looks at her maybe a bit unsure and guilty and hell no if anyone should be feeling bad about how they acted it's her.

She takes a deep breath, still feeling woozy and frayed, and totally too mortified by exactly how much she ruined this man’s evening and uses the most authoritative voice she can.

‘I am fine! But can we all agree that this evening we were supposed to celebrate something together and instead we all ended up doing various forms of public sex?’

‘’Good job!’ Poe tries to exclaim but it kinda fizzles out at the end when everyone else is shooting daggers at him.

‘I am going home now so please, take me to my bag and my phone so I can order myself a cab and set this guy free? Please don’t offer to come with me, I am currently quite mad at this whole thing’ she flings her arms around and hits Ben, that’s his name, on the shoulder by mistake.

Rose opens her purse and takes Rey’s clutch out of it and mouths ’I’m sorry’ while Rey storms away to the ladies room to clean up the mess that the crying and the vomiting caused.

When she comes back out, Ben is waiting in the hallway, wearing a nice leather jacket looking like a total snack and holding a bottle of water. How isn’t he gone already?

‘I can drive you home’ he says while handing her the bottle. ‘If you would like me to. Or I can wait for the cab with you if you’d like?’ he asks a bit unsure, some of that shyness and aloofness back from the beginning fo the night. Why he would want to prolong being in her presence is beyond her comprehension, but she’s still feeling a bit dizzy and quite sad and he’s been nothing but gentle with her.

‘Thank you, I would like a drive’ she nods and steps outside in the cold air of the evening, remembering she is not only a horny drunk but also a sad one and hating how this whole situation turned out.

He gives her his phone to put the address in the navigator and he drives mostly in silence. He breaks the silence only to ask her if she’s feeling okay and if he’s driving too fast but looking at her from time to time and damn him for looking so good and for having that face and those lips and looking at her like that.

He comes out of the car and walks with her and the fluttery feeling in her stomach is ridiculous, feeling like they were on a date or something and she’s anticipating the kiss at the door. Ridiculous indeed. But she feels strangely sober and she will probably never see him again after this clusterfuck of a night. And it’s 3 am so who cares what else happens.

‘I should probably go -

‘Would you like to come in?’

They say at the same time and he looks away and shoves his hands back in his pockets like earlier tonight and looks away.

‘Rey, I think I shouldn’t’ he says, but it comes out a bit tiny and uncertain so her hopes that he might not be completely horrified by her are not yet dashed. The Sex Ed influencer that can flirt for shit. What a joke, she should really get out more.

It’s her time to put her hand on his upper arm and he looks back in her eyes, and how is his gaze so soft.

‘Ben, I really would like you to come in. I honestly feel very attracted to you -’ she says, not seductively, but maybe a bit more breathy than she intended. He looks at her, really looks at her and is he blushing a little bit? But his eyes are no longer soft but more like when he looked at her on her knees in front of him. After a moment that feels like forever, he takes her hand and nods and Rey’s stomach flip flops in a way that has nothing to do with alcohol.

‘But we won’t have sex tonight’, her heart falls what feels like 10 flights of stairs down, and he can probably see her mind racing to comprehend what he means or wants if he’s coming in but doesn’t intend to fuck her.

‘We can have fun’ he rushes to correct himself, ‘I have several ideas, but I think it’s better we keep it light tonight’ he smirks at her and she can take it, if she can get close to him again, that’s fine with her.

So she drags him inside her apartment both of them breathless.


	2. One for the Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s one thing to have a million theoretical strangers watching you rant about very intimate experiences and body functions and another to have one right in front of you, one that you were just gonna go down and dirty with. One that has already seen you drunk and barfing.

**So we all go back to yours and you sit and talk to me on the floor**

**There's no need to show me round baby, I feel like I've been in here before**

**I've been wondering whether later when you tell everybody to go,**

**Will you pour me one for the road?**

-

He laughs when he grabs her hips and pulls her backside against him and she drops her keys and grinds out through her teeth ‘Let me concentrate’. They go inside, his hands touching her naked back and then descending to grab her hips again, she flicks on the lights and her big living room is illuminated. 

_ Right _ . _ This may be slightly weird, out of context. _

Her set and the camera setup for her channel are occupying half of her living room. There’s a big inflatable penis gently swaying in the draft from opening the door and the big colorful letters are glaring from the wall ‘SexEd by Rey’—_ sexed, get it? _And the remaining pieces of the big cake with ‘1 million subscribers’ is still on her dining table to the side of the room, with the empty glasses of champagne and balloons from when her and the gang were celebrating earlier. 

‘I kinda have a channel on youtube‘, she turns to explain, grimacing a little and hoping he won’t ask too many questions. This is why she doesn’t bring guys back home. Things can get awkward very fast when guys see several dildos proudly displayed on your bookshelf and your wall art is exclusively vulva depictions.

‘I know.’ His response stops her dead in her tracks, and she takes a step away from him, her brain still unwilling to process what this new piece of information actually means.

‘You...know?’ she asks, gesturing for him to elaborate.

‘Yeah. I well, I knew you. I mean I recognized you, earlier. When we met.’ He rubs the back of his head ‘Sorry, I should have said that I—’

‘You watched my videos?’ she needs to repeat to make absolutely sure they are both talking about the same thing.

‘Yeah. I only heard about your channel a few months ago.’ He looks hesitantly towards the cake and the balloons. ‘It’s not exactly a small channel.’

Of course! _ Rey-Rey-Rey _ he kept calling her by her name when she didn’t seem to recall ever getting introduced and forgetting his three-letter name every five minutes. She feels suddenly like she really is on the wrong foot here. Not that she’s been on the right foot at any point tonight. Of course, she knows people that have watched her channel. Her friends, people from Sol_O and other Youtubers, and met fans at VidCon (girls, mainly teens). Plus, she did show it to the guys she had dated in the past couple of years. _ Eventually _ . At least after a couple of dates, not that there were even that many guys to begin with. And she would have started with a benign video or a proper date or a coffee or at _ least _ a soda on the curb before inviting him over.

‘But you’re a guy!’ she manages to squeak. And quite a manly man type of guy. The type that wears a leather jacket that fits him so and looks like he’s either late 20s or early 30s, with a body he obviously worked on and, and—of course it doesn’t matter because he did watch them, of course he did. They’re on Youtube for the whole world to see. From now on she should _ assume _ everyone has watched them unless they say otherwise. Not the other way around. No bringing home guys for a quick fuck. Got it.

‘There’s plenty of guys watching, I am sure,‘ he frowns, as if it didn’t ever cross his mind she might be uncomfortable having him here with this new piece of information in mind. 

‘Ok, but did you watch like one of them? Or, more?’ _ Which one, which one, which one. _

‘I am subscribed. And I rang the bell’ he says, cocking his head to the side. 

He rang the bell. He rang the notification bell. Nobody ever rings notification bells. What kind of twisted weirdo is he?! Who watches channels that go on at length about female masturbation, anatomy and menstruation cups without actually owning a vagina? _ Also, is he teasing now? _

‘How far back! How far back did you go?’ Her mouth feels suddenly very dry.

‘About a year and a half maybe. But I didn’t watch everything, even though I found what I watched to be very ah - _ educational _’.

Her whole upload history flashes in front of her eyes. She thinks of the topics: first kiss, embarrassing virginity story. The one with the menstrual cup at yoga and the squelching sound. The one with the first (and last) anal sex attempt! _ Oh no no-no-no _. It’s one thing to have a million theoretical strangers watching you rant about very intimate experiences and body functions and another to have one right in front of you, one that you were just gonna go down and dirty with. One that has already seen you drunk and barfing. One in the form of a non-theoretical but actually a very tangible Ben with a practically perfect cock and a face that she would very much like to sit on. 

She looks at him again. He seemed so nice all night but, still.

‘Did you know I would be there tonight?’ she asks maybe sounding more fearful than she would like. But now there’s this issue of her somewhat notoriety and Youtubers getting stalked by fans is in no way a novelty.

‘What? No no-no. I really had no idea. I didn’t even know I would end up there myself. Hux kinda dragged me there with him—’ 

‘Who’s Hux?’ She’s rubbing her eyes in annoyance probably smudging her already messed up makeup and he’s lifting his arms as if to calm a feral cat or something. 

_ What is it with the three-letter names tonight? _

‘My friend. Armitage. With Poe?’ he answers and—_ yes, right, her traitorous snake friends _.

Suddenly this feels like _ a lot. _This stranger she brought to her apartment is someone who knows a lot about her, more than she would care to share while still making some feeble attempt to seem at least a dash mysterious. Isn’t that what’s exciting when you first feel attracted to people? At least a little sense that they’re unknowable. But who is she kidding, she probably looks like a mess. From the vomiting and the crying, and even though she sobered up, the alcohol is still buzzing through her brain.

So she does what any fan of avoiding confrontation like her would do and turns on her heel to head for the bathroom. ‘I need the toilet’, she mumbles and leaves him standing right there, with a crestfallen expression on his face.

When she sees herself in the mirror she almost does a double take because she looks like a raccoon from hell, how did he even want to kiss her. _ Oh here comes the self pity again. _Her friends really acted like shit tonight. She’s been having a really tough time lately, balancing her uploading schedule with working with Leia who demands her to be always at 100% and do the research for the videos and go to events where she’s invited to speak. 

She has friends, of course. But ever since she moved away from the UK to study, her pool of very close friends has become very tiny. There are plenty of people she can call for a night out and plenty that call her back to invite her to dinners and places, but not many she can call when she’s been crying and unable to get out of a bad funk for days. The creators community can be quite lovely but most of the time it can be a wasp’s nest too and she didn’t get close with too many Youtubers. Living on social media sucks sometimes. And now, especially because of the topics of her videos, there are several groups online that have made it their life mission to threaten and spread hate and lies about her. 

There’s Rose and Poe and Finn. Basically only they know the full extent of how many disgusting DMs and comments she gets in a day. 

Feeling very close to crying, she decides to get in the shower and brushes her teeth while under the stream. She doesn’t stay for long though, turning off the water, very much aware of the man that may still be in her living room. But then again, maybe he left. Even if he didn’t he will eventually, even though he rings the notification bell. He would leave, right? Somewhere at the 7th step of her Korean 12 steps skincare routine she finally admits she’s being really fucking rude. She invited someone in and left them in the middle of her apartment to go and mope about her life in the bathroom.

Her train of thought is interrupted by a gentle knock at the door. And she’s a bit ashamed to feel the small wave of relief rushing through her that he didn’t leave.

‘Rey, I am not leaving unless you ask me to.’ He says from behind the door.

A pause. She could go out there and ask him a few things about himself, maybe level the playing field. But damn it, that was not the point of this. 

‘I promise I had no idea you would be there and I had no idea that I was actually being dragged to Hux’s Tinder date.’ 

In a low voice he mutters probably to himself ‘Wanted to have an out if the guy didn’t look like his picture or something. What a fucker. I need better friends.’

Now _ that _ makes her come out. She throws her summer bathrobe on and when she opens the door, he’s leaning against the wall opposite her bathroom door, a plate of cake in his hand and a teaspoon in his mouth. 

‘Poe had a fucking Tinder date? At my party?’ 

‘It seems like him and Hux are perfect for each other. Soulmates really,’ he replies in what she’s starting to notice is his manner of talking. Sort of like biting the words out, mouthing the consonants carefully, his tone deadpan even when he’s telling a joke. When she says nothing in response, he continues, `I noticed you a bit before Hux called me over. I was pissed he introduced me like that and then left me with you and no social buffer and then it looked like you were too out of it to be on your own.’

He shrugs and picks up a new piece of cake from the plate and takes it to his lips. ‘This evening turned out way better for me than you think. I would rather it be me than Hux who got dragged in Poe’s sex closet. By you I mean, not Poe, even though I am sure he’s good looking—’ now he’s babbling.

‘I was not too out of it. And are you eating my cake?’ she lifts an eyebrow.

‘Yeah, it’s the second piece actually’. Now he just looks pleased with himself. _ The gall! _

‘Congratulations!’ he says in a fake high voice and waves his fingers around like spreading confetti. 

_ The cheek! _

‘Look, I can leave,’ he says when she just stares at him and folds her arms across her chest. He puts the plate with the cake on the hallway dresser but doesn’t move, entirely too big and too handsome for her to avoid looking at him. If he leaves, it feels final. He might have come with her here, but she honestly doesn’t think they’re ever gonna meet again after how odd tonight has been. Hell, he will probably un-ring that notification bell tomorrow because she’s been so rude.

It will be a great story to tell her future children she thinks. Once upon a time a one night stand still wanted to come back to her place after almost throwing up on him, that’s how hot mommy used to be. The End. Well, scratch that, she would murder and chop into small little pieces anyone who would ever mention this to her kids. 

Well, he’s still here, and he has a smudge of chocolate on his lower lip, looking all irresistible in her small hallway. _ Why must he look so good? _ She reaches slowly to his mouth and gently wipes the chocolate smudge away with her thumb. 

‘Stay.’ she says, and she manages to make it sound firm and certain. 

He nods and pushes himself off the wall and comes closer, and she reaches for her bathrobe belt to untie it. His hands are immediately at the open fabric, slowly uncovering her with just his fingertips trailing over her abdomen, suddenly very focused as he looks down at her sliver of naked body underneath, his lips doing a small twitch and tug thing like he could be saying something. How is he so expressive? 

‘Take your shirt off’ she commands and he obliges with one hand grabbing the back of his black t-shirt and lifting it over his head. And there he is, _ wow _ ! This man is supposed to be seen in the light of day. Well, it’s not the light of day, but he’s definitely _ not _the variety you fuck with the lights off. Or give a blowjob in a dingy small closet at a bar. Not with his shirt on at least. He’s the variety she should turn on all the lights in her apartment for and then go for a ride on his splendid body. The kind of wide chest she would really like to lay her head on while he’s roughly thrusting up into her from below. She really is a horny drunk. She touches him too, trailing one hand from his chest down to his waistline, noticing the smattering of moles that continue on his chest and shoulders. 

‘You have a lovely body,’ he interrupts her spiralling down the gutter, while he trails the back of his hand up, up in between her breasts that flush with the anticipation of being touched, but he continues across her chest to uncover one shoulder, then the other and she lets her robe fall down to the floor. And who the hell talks like that? Why are they even still in the hallway right now, she should not be standing up when he’s looking at her with that delicious mouth slightly open and his hands trailing down her body. 

‘Let’s go to the bedroom’ she says, because really, with all the prior discussion, being in the same room as her Youtube set would seriously clash with her attempt to ignore the fact he has _ watched _ all those videos. So she grabs his shoulders and gently steers him towards the bedroom while his hands are doing _ things _ like sliding down her back and cupping the back of her head. It’s really hard to concentrate on navigation like this. He follows her lead, but when they’re inside the bedroom he takes over the steering by cupping her naked bottom in one big palm and guiding her head with his other so he can kiss her. Thankfully, he is now supporting her between his body and the wall because she’s pretty sure she loses all bones in her body when his tongue sweeps inside her mouth and then retreats so his teeth gently bite on her lower lip and she never even knew that kissing could feel this good.

All she can do by this point is to make obscene noises and hold on for dear life to his hair because her mind is gone and how does he smell so fucking intoxicating.

He’s not quiet either. As soon as his mouth starts going down her favourite trail from ear to collarbone he starts talking ‘You feel so good in my hands’, and as he trails one hand to her thigh and hoists one of her legs up ‘Your skin is so soft’, ‘I love the shape of your hips’ while the other palm gently squeezes her butt on the way to—

_ Ngh. _

His fingers sweep in from behind to open her up and a loud—

‘Aaaaah !’ yep that was her, not some crazy neighbour stubbing their toe. Moving on, nothing to see here.

But he’s not doing much better, breathing really heavily, and slowly bringing his hand from the back to glide against her from the front, testing her entrance and sliding a finger inside her and then retreating to look at it like he can’t believe what he’s seeing. He drops his head on her shoulder and ‘You’re so wet, fuck!’ and whatever brainpower she has left leaves her as he brings his finger to his mouth and sucks it off. 

_ Oh fuck I will die. I have never been so turned on. _

He laughs and looks at her, his face satisfied and sweet and she realizes she said that out loud. But it doesn’t matter because he’s kissing her again and she can taste herself on his tongue. He lifts her gently up from where he had her pinned down and walks her back to the bed.

She’s on her back and he’s kissing her, but now she can definitely feel his erection through his jeans against her thigh and she suddenly remembers the beautiful disappearing cock she had the pleasure to briefly hold in her mouth and her hand goes down to touch him through his pants.

But he takes her wrist and sits up, moving her legs with ease and pulling her bottom towards him so he’s sitting in between her open legs. She blinks up at him confused by the sudden lack of touch and the movement to only watch him take her hand up to his mouth and suck two fingers inside his mouth and who knew there was like a direct line between the tips of her fingers and her cunt, because the pleasure shoots down straight to her core and she twitches almost violently inside. 

‘Touch yourself. I want to see’ he tells her and bites his lip. 

This may feel odd, objectively. But she is so tightly wound already that it really doesn’t matter. Embarrassment is long gone so when he releases her wrist her fingers go straight to her folds and after a few tentative swipes, she starts to touch herself in the way she likes, actually a bit harder than usual. And he is watching, caressing her thighs, and looking like his mouth is watering looking down at her spread open in front of him.

‘Mm, I remember you said that alcohol makes you numb and you need it a bit rough when you’ve been drinking.’ he says, and she starts to think that maybe it’s not such a bad idea that he’s been watching her videos. The man paid attention even. How could she complain at this point?

She brings her other hand around her thigh reaching from below and dipping two fingers in and out of her cunt to spread her lubrication, but it takes only a few moments before he removes her fingers and replaces them with two of his own, pushing them deep and letting her grind down on them. It doesn’t take long to feel that she’s going to come, and her cunt twitches on his fingers as if in confirmation. 

‘So responsive’, he suddenly pulls his and her hand away and moves his attention to her breasts. Giving a tentative swipe and then switching between sucking on her nipples and gently squeezing the other breast and his ‘It drives me crazy how responsive your nipples are’ tug at the distant part of her brain that believes in reciprocation.

‘What do you like?’ she manages to find that her mouth can form words, feeling a bit too much on the receiving end by this point.

‘Oh, I would like a lot of many things when it comes to you. But I don’t want to fuck you while you’re feeling in any way numb, Rey. So I think I’ll have a meal of this instead’ he says, swiping his fingers again over her very swollen clit. 

She lifts herself up on her elbows, a bit crazed by the sight of him. His cock is now peeking out from his hiding place, entirely too long and too big to fit in his pants, she can see the tip coming out the waistline of his jeans ‘_ Oh hello!’ _ and her mouth is watering. So she reaches and awkwardly tries to shift to touch him, but he slides further down the bed, out of her range and settles on his elbows in between her legs.

‘But I want to touch you too’ she whines a bit undignified, but well, her cunt is all open dripping on the bed just a few inches from his face so who _ cares. _

‘Oh, don’t worry, I really like eating pussy. This is a treat for me.’

_ Mphm. I really like eating pussy. _ Her brain repeats at her. Like she’s trying to figure out if those words really just came out of his mouth. Who the _ hell _ says that? Who the fuck is he? It would be funny if she wasn’t so turned on. He doesn’t waste too much time putting his mouth on her, though, and she makes a small note she should find out who Ben is before she drops back on the bed, any coherent thought jumbled, arching on the bed with a violent moan and this man’s mouth might actually be heaven.

As he steadily works at her, alternating between licking her clitoris and going lower to slide his tongue into her, she feels herself nearing that edge. She really hates orgasming on empty and it does seem things are heading there at crashing speed. So she grabs his wrist and pushes his hand towards her entrance and he obliges, sliding two fingers as deep inside as he can reach. And she’s wondering if he’s just doing that or he knows she likes to grind rather than thrust when she is nearing her orgasm, which brings her to the next thought.

She normally wouldn’t even tell a sexual partner this early on about this, but this is feeling so good and the alcohol she ingested earlier is still playing some part in how low her inhibitions are. She’s surely building towards a crazy orgasm and this is probably the first and last time she has this mouth eating her out, so she tries her luck. 

‘You remember the video about doing anal.’ she asks.

The first and only time she ever tried anal was yes, not a good experience. She was emboldened to try it when she discovered that rimming right before coming results in her having the most violent orgasms of her life. But the full-on experiment came up with negative results. It seems like only her button is an erogenous zone, the rest not at all. But after recounting the pretty uncomfortable and funny experience, she did mention at the end that not the whole area is a no-no and she can actually gain _ a lot _ of pleasure from slow pushes and nudges against that entrance without any penetration.

‘I wasn’t gonna -’ , he lifts off from her and shakes his head reassuringly. He looks so fucking hot with his hair pulled in all directions by her fingers and half of his face glistening with her arousal, lips glossy and red from his efforts. That she almost loses the thread of what they’re talking about. But yes, good boy, never try that with her, or other people really without talking about it in advance. But that’s not the topic of today, kids.

‘No, at the end, I like it when—’ 

‘Oh, yes, got it,’ he responds and he doesn’t waste time to move his mouth back, shifting a bit to balance on one elbow. This time, making firm, swift movements with his tongue on her clit, the fingers in her cunt rubbing gently but as deep inside as he can reach, the root of his fingers stretching her opening deliciously. And finally, _ yessss _ two fingers from his other hand come to softly touch the puckering flesh of her other entrance. And Rey vaguely thinks that he must have been a very good student because he sure knows how to follow instructions, how the hell did she find this man.

‘Like this?’ he whispers and looks at her and fuck, this face he makes looking at her while eating her out might be the hottest thing she’s ever seen. His pupils are blown wide and he watches her watching him for a moment, showing her how _ good _he is at this and how much exactly he’s enjoying it.

‘Just push a little’ she whispers and it comes out all weird and strangled because she is so fucking close and when he does push it’s like her climbing arousal jumps a whole new octave up. ‘Like that, it feels so good!’ And so do her moans, as both her hands fly back into his hair, fingers gripping by the roots to hold him tight against her while her body starts involuntarily moving, trashing, grinding against his mouth and fingers and finds her last shred of speech capacity to yell ‘I’m coming’ so he at least knows that in no way is he to stop anything at this point if he wants to come out of her apartment alive.

And then she screams. Really, really loud and long. Probably the loudest she has ever screamed in pain or pleasure or joy or anything. The waves of the orgasm climb higher and higher, each one feeling like_ this is it _, but her body and his touches find the way to still bring her one notch up until her vision goes completely black and for a second there’s that small eternity where there’s nothing and she’s afraid that this is actually how it feels to die because she’s not sure she can return to herself. She hears his ‘Oh fuck!’ somewhere at the edge of her awareness, and feels him slightly shift.

It lasts but a moment, and she comes back, still screaming, even if a bit less loud, letting go of his hair a little, but still holding tightly on. He hasn’t stopped what he’s doing, but now changed to slower, softer motions with his mouth and fingers deep inside. But the second pair of fingers seem to be gone. Still moaning, riding his mouth, she opens her eyes and blinks to look at him. The missing hand seems to have successfully opened his pants and taken his cock out. A new wave of arousal sweeps through her when he sees him handling his cock, spreading the leaking precum like that and looking absolutely, deliciously unhinged. He’s moaning against her cunt, face red and sweaty, eyes firmly shut, lips still firmly attached to her hot flesh and tongue lapping erratically against her nub, fingers thrusting roughly into her. She hasn’t really come down from her orgasm yet so it’s all deliciously prolonged by the vibrations of his mouth and his tongue and his fingers. Her sounds only seem to urge him on as he pumps himself rapidly and finally, his mouth comes off her to moan ‘I’m gonna come too!’, almost in alarm and swiftly removes the fingers that just fucked her so good from her cunt and catches his cum in his palm while swearing quite loudly into her thigh.

‘Oh fuck, that was unexpected.’ he says breathing loudly and they both need a moment to come down from what just happened.

‘Sorry, it was either this or coming in my pants. That was fucking insane.’ he says but he looks unashamedly proud of himself though, and he should be because that was the best orgasm of her life. He’s smiling a bit goofily at her, mouth wide and teeth showing and he’s looking quite charming with his big ears peeking from under his hair now, self-satisfied and carefree. Her heart tugs just so and she suddenly feels like this might be dangerous territory.

‘You’re hot.’ she manages to say because her brain is still a few times removed from her skull and it will probably take a few days to talk coherently again. He laughs and kisses the inside of her thigh in a funnily chaste way for what he just did and gets up from the bed.

‘I’m gonna go wash this off’ he gestures to his cupped hand but her eyelids are really really heavy and the morning light is coming through the windows. Her limbs only operate so much as to drag the duvet that was kicked to the other side of the bed over herself.

When she hears him return, she feels him hesitate at the edge of the bed and she opens one of her eyes to look at why he’s standing there. He’s doing that thing again where he’s looking around a bit lost, with his pants still open and shirtless, he looks so cute, so she extends her arm towards the light switch.

‘Turn off the lights. And stay.’

As he gets in bed behind her, the last thought that passes her awareness is that he can ring any bell he wants from now on as far as she’s concerned and then she is out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:  
Big thanks to everyone that reassured me that I didn’t cross a line with this fic. The plot bunny in my head was basically, Rey is drunk and Ben Solo very eagerly goes down on her. But I wanted to make sure that I address the delicate topic of drunken consent.
> 
> Also, BazineApologist kindly reviewed this chapter and edited my n00b writing mistakes. 
> 
> For further reference, I do suggest though not mixing alcohol and sex in real life (as much as possible). Sober sex feels so much better, y’all!
> 
> Drafts for Chapters 3&4 are written. Stay tuned!


	3. Reckless Serenade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben: Hi, Rey!! I was beginning to think you were never gonna write me.
> 
> Rey: Yeah, I was...intensely trying not to.
> 
> Ben: I see. May I ask u why?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the much needed communication is established!
> 
> Did not have a beta for this chapter so all mistakes are mine, be gentle as I am not a native speaker.

** **

**‘I've been trying to figure out exactly what it is I need**

**Called up to listen to the voice of reason**

**And got the answering machine**

**The type of kisses**

**Where teeth collide**

**When she laughs the heavens hum a stun gun lullaby.’ - Arctic Monkeys**

It is well past midday on Sunday when Rey starts stirring, unfinished dreams of a circus announcer with a very loud trumpet fleeting under her eyelids. The sound is strangely mechanical, the melody all wrong and, when she looks up, a comically giant woodpecker is drilling inside her skull.

_ A noise, it hurts. Please make it stop. _

Without opening her eyes, she fishes her phone from her bedside table, connects the call and balances it on her ear. Someone that sounds like Rose, if her friend was a 75-year-old smoker, is speaking or rather just making noises into the phone. ‘Everything, everywhere...pain. Rey, I have died and I am sorry, I haven’t written you into my will, but please take care of Finn.’ 

'Why is there talking? I thought dying would be peaceful.’ Finn’s muffled far-away voice enters her awareness. ‘I was promised an eternity of silent fluffy clouds.’

‘Hnnnnnn...Ooowwwww…’ is all that Rey manages to respond. 

‘Rey, I am never drinking again. Not even for a billion subscribers, I swear. Tequila is never entering my body ever again. I'll put you on speaker.’ Rose continues, sounding more and more human with every word.

‘Sshhhh, don’t even speak that name, it’s forbidden.’ Finn’s voice hisses plaintively into Rey’s ear. 

‘How are you doing? We wanted to check up on you. Did you get home okay?’ Rose’s voice comes from the phone again. Home, who the hell knows how she made it back. Her head is humongous and her whole brain is trying to get itself back to sleep. _ Hello, darkness my old friend. _

‘I said to call later, but she wouldn’t listen.’ Finn complains.

‘Rey? You there?’, Rose worried voice comes from the speaker.

‘Huuuuuuh?!’ Rey wakes back up with a jolt. 

‘Did you just fall back asleep? Finn, I think we need to make it over there with a bucket of coffee.’

‘Coffeeeee…’ she manages to croak out, her mouth feeling like glue.

‘But seriously, Armie said you left with that tall guy. We were a bit worried when you didn’t text us back last night.’

_ Armie, tall guy. What are they talking ab- _

Rey jolts up in bed when the events of last night get reuploaded to her brain. _ Tall guy! Ben, cock, mouth, fingers. _‘Hell, AAAAH my head!’

She looks around in a panic, but the other side of the bed is empty and seems to have been vacated some time ago. Her apartment is quiet. It’s all too much, the sudden movement makes the room spin and the pain in her head is making her feel like there are a billion tiny bullets trying to fission her brain matter. 

‘I asked him to come in.’ Rey says gruffly. 

‘Wow, reaaaaaallly? Is he still there? Are you gonna get some morning action?’ Rose is already more animated than anyone has the right to be. 

‘No, I think he already left, unless he’s a ninja or something.’

‘Tell us more!’ 

Rey sits up in bed and props herself up against the headboard, feeling more human by the minute.

‘Let’s say that I shall endeavour to never, ever see him again as I have shown him Filterless Rey and Filterless Rey yields the highest concentration of day-after shame.’ Panic is suddenly blooming in her chest when she remembers how she behaved with _ one of her subscribers _. 

_ I hope he’s not gonna be the reason why I will need to make my first apology video on Youtube. _

‘But how was he? Did he have a big penis? He was practically exuding BDE.’

‘Roooose, come on!’ Finn complains.

‘I do not kiss and tell, lovely Rose’, and after a pause ‘Yes, he did, but I sadly did not get to interact with it much’, Rey groans. ‘Rose, how is this hangover so horrible, I was actually feeling normal in the morning before I went to sleep, and now I’m afraid I’m dying.’

‘Take some painkillers and let’s have a small memorial service for Tall Guy and Big Penis over coffee this morning. Meet you downstairs in an hour.’ Rose says. The last thing Rey hears before cutting the call off is Finn making gagging sounds.

After a few minutes spent regaining her bearings, Rey starts moving when she feels like her head won’t fall off her shoulders. Her eyes catch a glimpse of a hot pink post-it and a glass of water on her bedside table. Written on the post-it there is a number and underneath **‘Call me - Ben** ’. But ‘Ben’ is written as a footnote in the corner, in much smaller letters than the rest. _ Did the fucker assume I would forget his name? _She gets out of bed and ignores how, despite the hangover, her body is feeling deliciously sore from his actions the previous night.

Sunday goes by quickly, as it’s already past brunch time when Finn and Rose text her that they are downstairs. She wards off Rose’s attempts to get into the gory details of how it went with Ben, but recounts the whole scene of discovering that he’s very updated on the goings-on of her channel and lists all her arguments of why she shouldn’t use the phone number he left - both Rose and Finn believe she should call him. She ignores them.

The next days are busy with filming the next few videos. Mondays tend to be lighter, with filming Q&As with questions submitted by her followers. Leia sends her an email in the evening, asking her to attend a fundraiser with her on Thursday and deliver the talk she delivered at TED. But Tuesdays and Wednesdays are generally very heavy days with filming their ‘Topic of the Week’ video, which is generally more researched, filmed in multiple locations and sometimes including specialist interviews. This week the topic is ‘The Husband Stitch’ and stigma towards female patients in the medical field. As she has never been pregnant herself, they collected multiple accounts of the worldwide practice of sewing women’s vaginas a bit tighter after birth so as to benefit their husbands. Sometimes, oftentimes, without asking permission. As much as she tries to be level-headed, these sort of things make her so incredibly angry and that is fuel enough for her to push Ben and his wonderful mouth to the back of her mind for a while.

Days like these are always extremely tiring, and her uploading schedule means that she’s often on a tight deadline. So she pretends she doesn’t have time to think about Ben and the phone number he left, but she does more often than she cares to admit.

Now that the last remnants of the hangover haze are gone, she remembers everything in more detail than she would like to and her mind returns over and over to that bashful smile he gave her, to the fleeting memories of him getting in bed behind her and his sigh of satisfaction when her body melted into his embrace. The sweet kiss on the nape of her neck and the awareness that he didn’t let go of her for many of the next hours haunts her. It makes her almost bitter that from all the moments of the evening, those small gestures of loving-kindness are what she’s fixated on.

-

When Thursday finally comes along she is so incredibly tired that she is dreading the fundraiser. After finishing the rough cuts to send to Poe for editing, she starts getting ready. Tonight is just a simple cat eye, nude lipstick and her hair tied back in a loose updo. Ever since she started doing these events, she got herself a few dresses that fit the occasion and tonight she goes for a sleeveless, long vintage black gown, with embroidered purple roses. 

It may be the tiredness of the week, the nervousness of delivering the talk tonight running only on coffee and fumes, or the fact that her mind has been going around and around in circles about wanting to text Ben that drives her to take the post-it she now has taped to her fridge, input his number and text him for the first time.

**Rey: Hi! This is Rey.**

And then she just waits as she has no idea what she could write next. When her phone buzzes just a few minutes later, she’s almost scrambling to get the screen unlocked, but her heart plummets when she sees it’s her father’s weekly _ ‘What’s up, kiddo?’ _message. She rolls her eyes, the man probably has it somehow on automated delivery or something. In times like these, she just wishes she could pick up the phone and call her mom, but cancer has taken away the possibility of ever doing that again during her last year of highschool. She doesn’t allow herself to go down that train of thought, as that usually quickly results in ugly-crying.

Her relationship with her father is rather new, as he wasn’t even aware of her existence until Rey was close to turning 20 and showed up at his doorstep. There will never be a father-daughter relationship between them, he’s more of an odd, older acquaintance. But truth be told, he played a pivotal role in her channel taking off. A small film-maker himself, he was able to give her a lot of advice on how to actually direct her videos, the equipment she needed, and editing for engagement. When he sold the rights to his only movie that made any money to be remade, he sent her a check the month she turned 25 with a note in the envelope saying ‘for your video stuff’. She didn’t even know he watched her videos, but the money made all the difference.

She does appreciate the effort of these little messages, so she takes a few minutes to reply, thankful to be distracted from the sinking feeling in her stomach. Ben still doesn’t respond, and then it’s time to leave. She shoves the phone back in her purse and wishes she never messaged him in the first place. _ Would be just great if he ghosted me. I would ghost me after all, no doubt! _

Just when she pulls up her car in front of the hotel, her message notification sound makes her heart jump to her throat and Rey hates to admit how nervous she had been that he will never reply.

** _Ben: Hi, Rey!! I was beginning to think you were never gonna write me._ **

Rey: Yeah, I was...intensely trying not to.

** _Ben: I see. May I ask u why_ **?

Rey formulates a few responses while she gets out of the car and hands the key to the valet at the front, but deletes every single one of the possible explanations. ‘_ It was good fun but really, I think it’s better if the ground swallows me the next time we meet.’ OR ‘You kinda tugged at my heart there a little and I thought I should skip the whole thing with getting my heartbroken.’ OR ‘You are gonna be trouble, aren’t you?’ _

Eventually, Ben starts typing again and she’s diving her attention between opening the door and checking what he’s writing.

** _Ben: Rey, look, I really enjoyed the evening, I was really hoping you would call me or text me the next day and I would get a chance to explain this more._ **

She’s reading and walking towards the group of people at the entrance where she sees Leia talking with a couple of people in suits.

** _Ben: Please don’t freak out, and read until the end. I should have told you this or written it on the note but I did not want you to jump to conclusions_ **.

_ What the hell is he on about now? _

‘Rey, there you are!’ Leia’s voice rings. She briefly shoots her eyes up from the screen to notice Leia standing next to a tall man, and in her peripheral vision, she registers a vaguely familiar face opposite the older woman. A slim _ *hamster wheel spinning*, _ good looking _ *hamster wheel spinning* _, red-haired man. Distracted, her eyes drop back to the screen.

** _Ben: My full name is Ben Organa-Solo. (_ ** _ 10 seconds ago) _

_ Click! _

Her head snaps up to see Hux smirking at her and her mouth gapes open when the tall man next to Leia turns around and _ there he fucking is. Ben fucking Organa-Solo, apparently! _ He’s wearing a black suit with a velvet jacket, his face clean-shaven and looking more handsome and fuckable and punchable than ever. He took his fucking time with his hair, every lock is wavy and perfectly in place but it still looks so soft. _ How dare he? _He takes a few steps back and shoves his hands in the pockets of his trousers and looks around, avoiding eye contact and pressing his lips together.

_ Oh no, no fucking way will that lost Bambi doe-eyed tall man act gonna fucking work this goddamn time! _

‘Rey, you are late, my dear. Here, I wanted to introduce you to my son Ben and his friend, Armitage. They’re doing partnerships and business development for Sol_O.’ And then the most ludicrous thing comes out of Leia’s mouth. ‘Funny thing, it was actually Ben that sent your videos to me and called attention—‘

‘Did HE?’ Rey interrupts, a significant note of hysteria in her voice.

Leia glances back and forth between them surprised at the interruption, surveilling the scene. Ben looks positively peeved and Rey is red and furiously glaring. ‘Have you two met already?’ Leia asks. Hux has the audacity to cough, pretending to be on his phone. 

‘Yes.’, Ben starts.

‘No.’ Rey replies at the same time and then registers that she should backpedal from causing a scene in the lobby. ‘I mean barely. We formed an acquaintance, but I had no idea who he _ really _ is.’ - _ even though he had his head buried in between my legs like five days ago _ . _ And he never said a peep. No, not a word. _

‘Al-right?’ Leia says doubtfully. ‘I would ask what is it that my idiot son did this time, but there’s no time for whatever is going on here right now. Rey, are you ready for tonight? You will go on stage after me and then we need to mingle. Ben and Hux do the money talk, you and I the vision talk.’ Rey nods and her mind snaps back in place. _ Right, the keynote. _A wave of panic washes over her and she thinks she’s gonna start hyperventilating if she doesn’t remove herself from this particular situation.

‘Excuse, I need to go get myself ready’. She virtually throws her coat in the cloakroom before she notices Ben moving to follow her but she turns and says as forcefully as she can ‘Not now!’

She gets herself together enough and delivers her talk about the importance of sex ed, body autonomy and teaching consent from an early age. The crowd is responsive, they laugh at the jokes and clap at the zingers and thank God she had been rehearsing this speech for weeks when she did it for TEDx otherwise she’d have no idea what she said to warrant the enthusiastic applause at the end. He’s also there, towards the back, but there’s no way to hide when you’re that tall and your eyes shine like that when you smile and you seem to have some sort of 100 feet radius magnetic field or something.

After the speech, she moves around the room on autopilot, saying the right things, exchanging pleasantries and repeating the rehearsed message of their fundraising campaign. But she’s always aware of where _ he _is all night, and that he’s watching her, mad at herself and him because every time her eyes wander across the room, they inevitably find him. And every time he looks back she wishes she could go and mess up that hair he worked on so much, or stomp really hard on his foot. 

She keeps a safe distance, but she notices he’s trying to move closer to her and once, when she has to pass by him, she can hear him say ‘Rey’ in a low voice. So she pulls out her phone and messages him.

Rey: STOP looking at me!!!!! I DO NOT want to talk to you!

She sees him check his phone, gaze around the room to find her and then a pained grimace appears on his face. She looks away in annoyance.

When the evening winds down and she seems to have gone through most of the groups and tables here tonight, she decides it’s her cue to leave when she sees him busy talking up some grey wig. She quickly says bye to Leia, who thanks her for the evening and looks at her quizzically but doesn’t ask her about whatever is on her mind. Rey then makes a run for it. There a line at the cloakroom, of course, just her luck. But she manages to get her coat and bunch it under her arm before heading toward the exit when she hears Ben’s voice calling for her ‘Rey, wait!’

_ Oh hell no _! She practically runs out the door and hopes the valet would miraculously bring the car in the next 10 seconds. 

‘Rey, please wait!’ He calls after her and she has a feeling that her plan to go home and fester in anger, as any sensible British person would do, is currently being thwarted. She turns to him, feeling that the bottled up feelings are boiling up to an uncontainable pressure.

‘Rey, listen-‘

_ Watch and learn how you throw a tantrum at 27. _Rey turns to face him and there is no way for her to keep her volume down at this point.

‘What would you POSSIBLY have to tell me that I would want to hear right now?’ she roars, wishing she would be able to say this all calm and collected. But she is shaking and probably red as a lobster and very, very angry. ‘You knew who I was! Worse, you knew who I was TO YOU and where I get my main funding. You lied to me!’

‘I never lied to you, Rey. I know it--’

‘The HELL you did not! How do you think I earn my livelihood, _ Ben Solo? _ Do you think videos like mine are monetized by YouTube? They fucking DO NOT, actually, they don’t want to fucking touch me with a ten-foot pole in case advertisers get _ sensitive _ about drawings of labia next to the meaningless crap they’re selling. I depend on the foundation for-‘ 

‘Rey, please listen! I did not, at any point, have the intention to hurt your work. It was dumb to go along with it so far-‘ He attempts to reason with her again.

‘So_ far _, it wasn’t just so far! You went to fucking Pluto and back when you were really just supposed to-to-to only cross the street!’ Soon the conversation devolves into chaos, Rey has a good grasp on the fact she’s not making any sense, but they anyway started talking over each other, so it doesn’t matter. At which point the valet pulls the car in front of the building and surveils sceptically the very heated exchange.

Ben is now raising his voice in hope that at least some of the sounds will reach her ears ‘I really thought I should give you space in the next few days and not reach out to you on a different channel. I should have not gone with you in Poe’s sex closet, but then I did and after, I felt that if I left it there, that you would never want to talk to me again if we didn’t move past that moment.’

‘Well, here’s what you _ could _have done: Hi! You must be Rey, yeah I have seen your videos on youtube. Cool stuff. My name is Ben Organa-Solo. It’s funny we should meet here, I think you work with my mom? Yeah, cool stuff, la-di-da, do you think Poe’s already sucking Hux’s cock? Ha-ha let’s bond over our friends being such horny idiots. Highfive! These are your other friends. Awesometacular, let’s do shots!’ Rey lets the words tumble out until she’s out of air, then takes a deep breath before saying in a desolate voice ‘Or you could have just ignored me. Told me to fuck off--‘

‘Ma’am’ the valet interrupts her. And as soon as he gets her attention practically throws the key at her and walks away as fast as he can. She looks back at Ben who’s studying her quietly.

‘I couldn’t.’ he tells her gently. ‘Rey, I don’t intend to be a threat to you.’

Rey huffs, irritated that he’s not fighting back and making her lose momentum on her anger. It’s very hard to yell at someone when they’re being all calm and earnest. 

‘Do you hate me now?’ he asks. _ Is he serious? _ Rey does have a tendency to overreact but hate is reserved for especially evil people, not the kind with soft wavy dark hair, all the right words and soulful eyes.

‘Do I hate you? Do _ I _hate you... Let’s see, I want to rip your head off, throw it to the ground and stomp it repeatedly’, she lists on her fingers, ‘but I do not hate you.’

He nods, ‘Do you regret inviting me in?’

‘YES! No. I don’t know!’ she exclaims, exasperated.

‘Will you go out to dinner with me?’ he asks, stepping closer to her. ‘Please?’

‘Like on a date? Right now, you thought it was appropriate to ask me on a date?!’ Even she can hear herself hitting all the notes of disbelief in her vocal range. 

‘Why not? You already want to rip my head off. I think things can only improve from here.’ 

_ He has a point. _

‘Because...you - aaaarg! I’m angry, and I am very focused on how exactly to make you pay and I don’t even want to look at you right now!’, she says, but her resolve is softening and they can both hear it in her voice.

_ Stupid Ben with your stupid fit suit and soft hair and those eyes! Who wears velvet anyway? It shouldn’t be allowed. _

‘Will you think about it?’ He’s doing the _ Thing _ with the pockets and the gaze and chewing his lip and how is he so good at disarming her. ‘I promise I will try to make it up for this evening.’, he continues, a hint of that cheeky smirk at the corners of his lips. _ He’s teasing me, this fucker! _

‘I will think about it.’ She half-yells, but it’s hard not to smile, especially because _ he’s _ pressing his lips together, trying to be serious, but it’s useless, his whole face is too expressive and his eyes shining with amusement.

She throws her coat on the back seat and before she gets in, he touches her arm gently. She turns, and her breath is almost knocked out of her. He’s the closest to her he’s been tonight and he looks _ so good _ in his black velvet jacket, he smells incredible and the hair is making her fingers tingle with the craving to touch it.

‘You were really great in there tonight.’ He cocks his head to the side, lets his fingers slide down her arm and steps back, his eyes liquid when he says gently ‘I couldn’t take my eyes off you.’

‘I noticed.’ she says and he smiles his big smile and Rey can’t help either smiling back to him or the way her heart flutters in response.

-

On her way home she takes her time thinking about that night, how decent he was and how much he followed her lead in every single thing she did. It had been exhilarating, the way he was responding to her and how she could override his attempts to cool down the situation. As much as she would like to be mad at him, she made a point in deflecting all his attempts to keep things cool.

As soon as she enters her apartment, she notices a long text message from him and she almost hates the wave of excitement she feels. 

** _Ben: Rey,_ **

** _I am sorry for how tonight turned out. As I told you, I really hoped that I would get a chance to explain who I am in person. I wasn’t aware you were coming until very late in the day today. By then it was too late to try and reach out on Social Media. Then you wrote to me and I thought I would at least get to do some damage control but I obviously didn’t get the chance._ **

** _But here it is, everything that happened from my perspective at least. Last Friday night Hux convinced me to go out without being completely honest of his designs for the night. I should have been suspicious right away when he immediately seemed to hit it off with someone, leaving me hanging and then, when I came closer I recognized Poe from your videos and had an out-of-body experience when I saw you right next to them. My thought was ‘This is that girl from YouTube’, tinier than I imagined you would be, tipsy as fuck and so gorgeous. _ **

** _I thought for the longest time that it surely must be a coincidence (Hux has probably slept with half the continent by now, it’s not statistically so improbable). Foolishly, I thought it was pure luck we somehow stumbled into you, but I later found out that it wasn’t exactly a coincidence. I was asked by Hux to not tell you all the details but I can at least say that I was as in the dark as you were._ **

** _Now, on to the part I had to play. I should have insisted on the water, maybe some air and a chance to tell you who I am. For reasons that I would like the chance to share in person, you were the first person I was with in a very long time and I recognized both then and now that I could have handled the situation better. When I asked to drive you home, or walk you to a cab I just wanted more time to turn it for the better. To connect somehow, maybe even come clean about who am. There were many moments when I could have told you, but I felt that evening you wanted the fantasy of a stranger in a bar and I thought it was harmless to continue playing along. I realize it now that it wasn’t harmless for you and you have all the right to be mad. _ **

** _Rey, I am not a big talker when it comes to people. If I could change things, I would have told you my name before coming inside your home. I think that’s the line I should not have crossed. Then there was that heartbreaking moment when you were almost afraid of me (and rightly so), so I couldn’t bring myself to confirm I was there under false pretences, even though not the ones you thought. I fully meant what I said: I do not wish to be a threat to you in any way and I am sorry if the way I handled things led you to believe that._ **

** _The next part, you just blew my mind, Rey. I am not sure I even remembered my name by the end of the evening. I can’t deny I also wanted and craved the anonymity and the fantasy of acting like a stranger a woman like you would like to bring home. Some knowledge about me comes with the name that I wish to have a chance to explain and put into context. If you want to check online, it is within your right, but I hope you will also give me a chance to tell you. Some of it is bad, but I hope you will believe me when I tell you I have come a long way since then and I found a way to turn my life around for the better. _ **

** _I won’t hide how much fun Friday was for me because it was honestly the best time I have had in a while now. I like you, Rey. I liked you in your videos, I liked you tipsy, I liked you under my mouth and seeing you tonight, I am in awe with your drive and sense of purpose in life. If you choose to see me again, I would probably feel like a total undeserving bastard to be around someone like you but I had to at least give it a try._ **

** _I hope I haven’t caused irreparable damage so here comes my request again. Let me take you out. And if you never want to hear about me again after that, I will try my best to not bother you again. _ **

** _PS My mom is a nosy person, but she shuts up when you tell her it’s none of her business._ **

** _PPS I loved the last video. _ **

Rey stares at her phone and rereads the message a few times, wishing she could stay angry but the man has a point. She senses foul play is involved and that Poe is somehow at the centre of all this mess. She types a message for him ‘_ You will tell me what you did immediately!’, _ but then decides on something better and texts him ‘_Can you please drop by tomorrow morning? I need your help. 9 am. Tx_.’ He only takes a few minutes to reply ‘_Sure, no problem_.’

As for Ben, she sure she wouldn’t have gone so far with him had he not followed her lead. If she were to be truly honest, it’s because of how pliant he was with her that she even dared to go so far. But it’s also undeniable she feels uncomfortable with him being Leia’s son and also about how much he knows about her and she - nothing. As much as she could put the whole responsibility of being truthful on him, she did avoid asking him things or even making conversation. 

And then, he looked so handsome tonight. She could reply to his message with all of these level-headed reflections. _ I could, but I am a spiteful bitch and will reserve tonight for full-level spite. _ So she picks up her phone and does whatever sane person living in 2019 would do and types _ ‘Ben Organa-Solo in the search bar’. _

The results are plentiful. The only social media he seems to have is Twitter and he’s not particularly active there. But after an hour of skimming through newspaper articles, a few realizations seem to be forming. Ben seems to have been a troubled young adult. According to his very short Wikipedia entry, he is now 31 and, as the son of celebrity couple Han Solo and Leia Organa, he got a fair share of attention from the press growing up. There are multiple tabloid articles from about a decade ago on him getting suspended for drunk driving, an arrest for battery in what she can gather was a bar brawl. The charges were dropped. Her heart drops seeing the pictures of him with a black eye and a cut on his cheek. It certainly took him a few years to grow into that long face, his ears peeking awkwardly from the too-short haircut make her smile. But her heart shrinks at the emptiness of his eyes in these pictures. In some of them, he’s very obviously intoxicated but in others, he just looks in pain. 

She finds an old video on TMZ where Ben would have been 22 and considers not watching it, but self-control has never been her strong suit. He is swearing and gesturing aggressively at the photographers, calling them all sorts of names, one of them hits him back and scratches his face with his tripod, then Ben pushes the one filming to the ground, his camera flying out of his hand and the recording stops there. She can’t reconcile this boy with the gentle, weirdly funny man she met. Then, there are several years of silence, then he appears in the search results of the students enrolled in the University of Zurich, but the page is in German. And finally, recently, two interviews in French Le Monde and Le Temps about the Sol_O foundation.

She briefly checks the name of Han Solo and discovers he used to be a famous Nascar driver in the 80s. Over the span of 15 years, he and Leia were three times married and three times divorced. To each other. _ Wow. How is that like? _ She decides she has seen enough, but she is not yet sure if all this would be something to deter her from trying to get to know the man Ben is now. He obviously hadn't been drinking last week, treated her better than many other men in that situation would have, and was somehow, even after Filterless Rey, willing to reach out to her. It’s becoming clearer and clearer that she is _ interested, _and not just physically, which was apparent right away on Saturday, but in him, who he is, his story, how he got where he is now. 

Tonight has been a rollercoaster though, and she is not ready to make a decision about what comes next. However, she can’t stop herself from wanting to talk to him.

Rey: ‘STOP watching my videos, they are for everyone BUT you! Why do you even watch them?’

** _Ben: Oh I don’t know. The person talking is very easy to look at. She has this way of smiling when she talks about things that bring her joy. It’s infectious._ **

Rey: You are lame.

** _Ben: Haha like you don’t have guilty pleasures. I have been through your fridge and I saw your Netflix ‘watching’ list. Cheapest weddings, Rey? Really?_ **

Rey: You did WHAT?

** _Ben: You left me all by myself for like half an hour in your living room. I was hungry and bored._ **

Rey: What else did you do? Did you also lick all my dildos?’

** _Ben: Should I have? Maybe if I ever get to come over again, I’ll do that._ **

Rey: You think you’re smooth, sir, but I can see through your moves.

** _Ben: I do have one very important question, though. I’m dying to know, how was the circus?_ **

Rey: Huh?

** _Ben: On Sunday morning, I tried to wake you up before I left, but you pushed my face away and said ‘Shhh, the circus has arrived.’_ **

Rey: Oh, God!!!!! NOoooo

** _Ben: Then you laughed in your sleep so I thought that must have been a good dream._ **

Rey: Just kill me now, stop it with the torture.

** _Ben: Did you read?_ **

Rey: Yes. It’s a lot to think about. I also looked online.

** _Ben: I see. And?_ **

Rey: You have funny ears. 

** _Ben: Don’t I know it._ **

** _Ben: Did you think about my request._ **

Rey: No.

** _Ben: Liar._ **

** _Ben: What are you wearing?_ **

Rey: What? Are you really trying this? What are YOU wearing?

** _Ben: Nothing._ **

Rey: Well played. But still no.

** _Ben: Ok, I will wait. Good night, Rey!_ **

Rey: Good night, Ben.

That night when she gets in bed, Rey picks her favorite vibrator pretending that she needs to let off some steam but gets herself to orgasm to the thought of getting on her knees and successfully making a man with intense brown eyes, full lips and soft dark hair come apart in her mouth.

  



	4. Do I Wanna Know?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ’Do you want me, Rey?’
> 
> ‘Yes.’ She puts her palm on his chest and feels his heart thundering in his chest. ‘It’s infuriating how much I do’, she continues.
> 
> ‘Do you want me to kiss you right now?’ He says and gently pushes her back so she’s pinned against the car. 
> 
> ‘Yes’, she says and the sudden rush of arousal is making her head spin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:  
Please check the updated tags. There are mentions of darker things in this chapter, but I promise it's mostly fun and light- hearted.
> 
> RL got a bit crazy, so I won’t update weekly anymore. Still looking for a beta, if anyone wants to spellcheck this trash :)) Mistakes in this chapter are all mine.
> 
> I am @poopsiekittens on Twitter

# 

**‘So have you got the guts?**

**Been wonderin' if your heart's still open**

**And if so, I wanna know what time it shuts**

**Simmer down an' pucker up, I'm sorry to interrupt**

**It's just I'm constantly on the cusp of tryin' to kiss you**

**I don't know if you feel the same as I do**

**But we could be together if you wanted to’** **\- Arctic Monkeys**

-

The next day, Rey gets out of bed and rushes to make it to the coffee shop across the street before the morning crowd gets there. She settles in a strategic place at the window, with a perfect view of the entrance to her apartment building. As 9 am comes close, she collects her things and waits. When a black Mercedes pulls in front of her building, she gets up and exits the place just in time to see the two men getting out of the car, holding hands. 

_ Holding hands. Gotcha, you total fucker! _

She goes straight behind Poe and waits, arms crossed in front of her, eyebrow raised and sipping from her coffee cup. Both of them have wet hair like they showered less than 30 minutes ago like they woke up together this morning. Like they spent the night together. _ Poe you little fucker _! Hux is the one that notices her first. He makes eye contact with her and has the audacity to smirk looking from her to Poe. 

‘Good morning’, she says, and Poe practically jumps away from his lover and turns to look at her in horror. 

‘Sunshine, I..good morning’, he says hesitantly, looking from her to Hux ‘What are you doing outside?’

‘Well I thought to get myself some coffee but seems like there was no need as I was gonna get served a large portion of TEA this morning,’ she replies, allowing full indignation to seep into her tone.

But she can’t help noticing the way Hux is looking at Poe, how he watches his reaction like he thinks he’s cute when he’s this flustered, like he’s longing for something that only Poe has, like Poe’s the most lovely thing on the planet. She has to admit, they look extremely cute together. 

‘Rey, I can explain, I...we-’ Poe trails off, scrambling for an explanation, but Hux interrupts him.

‘Good to see you again, Rey. Good recovery last night by the way, but I hate confrontations, so I will get myself fucking out of here_ right now _’, he nudges Poe, who seems to have chosen both fight and flight at the same time and is currently frozen in time and space ‘See you later, love’, he says before giving him a quick kiss on the cheek and getting into his car.

‘Rey, I can explain’.

‘Funny, you’re the second guy in a little over twelve hours to say that to me. And why do I get the feeling you are_ also _ the reason why the first one had to say it in the first place?’ she stops to give him a pointed look ‘Let’s go inside, shall we? And then you will tell me exactly how the hell I ended up in this clusterfuck.’

When inside, Rey drops to her couch and doesn’t waste time to start ‘You and Hux.’

‘Armie please, he really hates it when people call him Hux.’

‘You and Armitage Hux.’ she says again, exasperated.

‘Y-eah, I guess, I mean...we’ve kinda been seeing each other. But it’s quite new, so...’, he trails off.

‘So why the _ Hell _ didn’t you invite him to my party and instead pretended to bump into him?’

‘Ah, that. I, ummm, I don’t think I was ready to tell you guys about him yet. But then I was drunk and I really felt like, you know-’

‘Getting fucked, yes.’ She really, really knows.

‘Something like that. So, I asked him to meet up, but he was already going out with Ben that evening. I guess I...well, I guess I was jealous. You’ve seen Ben, he’s a Tall Drink on a hot day and then I thought, that works out great because you know, you weren’t there with someone and you guys could finally meet-’

‘_ Finally _ meet?’ she stops him there. 

‘Ah, yes. Armie had been telling me that Ben talks about you. You’re like his celebrity crush or something,’ he chuckles. Rey rolls her eyes at the word ’celebrity’ and gestures to him to come sit next to her.

‘So, Poe Dameron, are you telling me this all convoluted mess was because you wouldn’t admit you are dating someone? To your friends?’

‘Ah, we’re not dating. I mean, have you seen him, I’m not...it’s just a fling’, he says hesitantly, but Rey can see he’s also kind of smiling like he can’t contain how smitten he is. 

‘Yes, I have seen him, and you and, God help me, Poe, I have never seen you actually hold hands with someone. How come you seem to know these people and I haven’t even heard of them until last week?’

‘Ah, well, I do the finance stuff for your channel, and Armie does them for some of the things at Sol_O. We’ve had to talk on the phone a couple of times concerning the payments and well, it sounded like he was flirting with me. So I checked him out on Instagram and followed him, then he followed me back. 

‘When was this?’

‘A-uhmmm year ago?’

‘A YEAR?!’

‘Yeah, but we were just DM-ing each other. We hooked up when he was visiting about half a year ago. Then, a couple of months ago they moved back to the US, so we started seeing each other...more.’

‘Help me understand why you said nothing all week and then yesterday I had to have the shock of my fucking life finding out Ben Solo, the guy I tried to blow in the closet at the pub, is Leia Organa’s son.’

‘I’m so sorry, Rey. I didn’t know he was her son, Armie only told me on Thursday after your Third-Degree Encounter. I knew he worked for the foundation and was close to Armie, but that’s it. I knew you had his phone number, and I was certain you’d text him. He was so adamant that he wants to tell you himself, I just thought it’s his truth to tell’, he explains. ‘I’m really sorry this created a whole mess. I just, I wanted to keep Armie for myself for a while. I still don’t know if...you know, I can say we are a thing.’ 

He shakes his head, but turns his attention to her ‘So, are you interested? In Ben Solo and his whole..._ thing?’ _

‘What _ thing?’, _she asks suspiciously.

_ ‘ _I mean, he seems like a good guy, but...intense, in a - if he fucks you, then you’ll have trouble walking for days - way.’

‘How have you _ even _ gotten to know about his thing?’

‘Ah, he actually lives in the same building as Armie. I honestly don’t know how their relationship works ‘cause most of the time when they talk it sounds like they hate each other. But he’s over at Armie’s really often. The first night I slept over, I go out of the bedroom in the morning to find this tall hulk of a man, just in his boxers, eating cereal in the kitchen. I almost shit myself thinking he’s the boyfriend or something and I’m about to be a passion murder victim. But he was just there, standing at the counter, eating Armie’s cereal. Didn’t say much, like it was perfectly normal to find an almost naked man in the kitchen of your hookup, even though he doesn’t have roommates.’

‘What?’, Rey asks, trying to picture the whole scene in her mind.

‘He left when Armie woke up and kicked him out, threatening to take his key away if he keeps eating his food. They usually talk business, sometimes they play video games or watch football, but, after that first morning, he hasn’t been hanging around for long if I’m there. I honestly didn’t even believe Armie that there’s nothing going on between them. I mean, they work together, they do all this stuff together, they have this love-hate relationship, one of them must have it bad for the other, right? I felt like I had zero chance, really - until last week when I saw how he zeroed in on you at the party. Now I _ know _ how he acts around people he’s _ interested _ in.’

‘Poe Dameron, if you used me as bait to check if your crush is into you--’

‘No, no-no-no, I didn’t! Honestly, I wasn’t thinking much that evening, but I thought we would all hang out, I don’t know. Sorry, sunshine, I should have told you this week. If you need me to get him off your back, let me know.’

Rey huffs in annoyance ‘He’s a presumptuous, very handsome, very skilled with his tongue -- _ liar _! He could have told me so many times on Saturday who he was and he chose not to. And then, last night he had the audacity to ask me out! I just don’t trust him now.’

‘Rey, Armie vouches he’s a good guy. I don’t know - I guess this is some sort of sibling love they have, brother from another mother type of thing. They must really have gone through hell together to be this close and hearing Armie’s side of the story, I am pretty sure they have. I don’t think he’s dangerous or anything.’

‘I just feel, I don’t know, like he knows too much about me and - _ we were intimate _! And now I work with his mom, this is complicated as fuck.’

‘So you _ are _ interested. Sounds to me like you could maybe go on that date and get to know him more before making a decision?’ he says and she has to admit, he makes a lot of sense.

‘Look at who’s doling out relationship advice like he’s an expert or something’, she gently pushes his shoulder. ‘So, tell me about this Armie guy, just how in love are you right now?’

‘I mean...have you seen him? He kinda looks like Cate Blanchett, right?’

Uh-oh, Rey knows what this means ‘_ Galadriel is the only being that could make me go straight’, _they say at the same time, because, honestly, Poe brings up this fact in random conversation at least once per week. Armie must really be the perfect man then.

‘That bad, huh?’, Rey asks.

Poe’s cheeks get just a tad redder, his smile just a bit brighter while he tries to dismiss the fact that ‘it’s serious’ but then proceeds to explain just how much he loves Armie’s sarcastic streak, and how much he actually enjoys how goofy he is when they’re together. Rey can recognize a hopeless idiot in love, so she’s not fooled even one bit by his ‘it’s not serious’ act.

-

When Poe leaves, Rey decides that not messaging Ben didn’t have such good results the first time around. Whatever her fears are about the situation, she is way too interested in him at this point. She knows that if she doesn’t own that, it would be too weird to bump into each other and always have to wonder where this could have gone. She would act too weird, and he doesn’t seem like he will let up easily either. She doesn’t know what it all means, she can’t know, but at least she can take a step to clarify the situation. She picks up her phone and texts him.

Rey: I have come to a decision.

**Ben: Oh?**

Rey: I will go out with you, on one condition.

**Ben: Great! Okay? **

Rey: I get to ask you whatever questions I want. 

**Ben: I think that’s how dates work, no? **

Rey: Maybe. But you will have to answer, truthfully.

**Ben: I can do that. Tonight?**

Rey: *hyperventilating* Let me come to terms with my decision first, please. Tomorrow evening? And I choose the place.

**Ben: No issues there with me. I pick you up at 7 pm tomorrow?**

Rey: Yes, see you then.

Ben: Wish you a good day!

Rey: U too.

-

The rest of the day is busy with editing videos and finishing up the scripts for the next week’s videos. Time goes by easily while she’s working, but in the evening, while things settle down, she finds it almost impossible to keep herself from thinking about Ben. The memories she’s been avoiding of the night they spent together are now replaying in her mind in full swing and she is paying no attention to whatever silly series is playing on her TV. When she gets up to go to bed, she is embarrassed to find that her train of thought got her completely soaked. She would very much like to message Ben right now, but he didn’t seem like the online chatting kind of person. For one, he always writes full, correct sentences, with appropriate punctuation and an absolute lack of emojis. 

One hour or so into tossing and turning in bed, she gives up and picks up the phone and texts him again, hoping he would still be awake after midnight.

Rey: I actually take what I said back. It was a terrible idea to postpone this one day and a half, what was I thinking? Let’s meet earlier?

He replies immediately.

**Ben: I am so relieved you’re saying that. **

**Ben: So? How about breakfast instead? I can be there at 9.00.**

Rey: 10? I need my beauty sleep. 

**Ben: Perfect. **

**Ben: You have trouble sleeping?**

Rey: Yeah, a particularly troublesome Tall Dark Stranger is plaguing my thoughts.

**Ben: Any particular thoughts? (I may or may not be blushing)**

Rey: Mmm, they are very particular. And they’re making it very hard to cool off. (I may or may not be very flushed)

**Ben: Are you saying what I think you are saying?**

**Ben: Rey, are you aroused, thinking of me? **

Rey ponders where their discussion is going for a while, but - _ Hell, yes, this is happening now. _

Rey: Yes

**Ben: Fuck, Rey! Are you already in bed?**

Rey: Yes, I am. 

**Ben: Rey, would you like to go pick one of your toy dildos and come back to bed? **

Rey: Very much. 

**Ben: Would you like me to help you play with yourself?**

Rey: Yes.

She gets up and hastily removes her clothing while taking a sizeable but not ridiculously big bright green dildo from her nightstand. This one doesn’t vibrate, she knows she would come in 10 seconds straight if she used a vibrator tonight. She settles back down and starts moving it against her wet folds.

**Ben: Are you touching yourself already? **

Rey: I am. I am sliding it on my pussy. I am already very wet.

**Ben: Fuck!!! Can I call you?**

_ Can he call her? _ She wasn’t even convinced sexting is a good idea, really. She hesitates but realises this will be complicated by texting, so she calls him. He picks up on the first ring.

‘Hi’, she says shily, her voice hoarse as she is already rhythmically stroking the dildo against her clit.

‘Hi, thanks for calling me.’ His voice is low but she can hear that he is also slightly out of breath. 

‘Oh, fuck your voice on the phone is...Wow!’ she almost moans as his deep voice reverberates through her. And there they go, her thoughts, the _ reasons _, her sanity - out the window.

He chuckles and it only makes it worse ‘Tell me what you’re playing with’, he breathes in her ear.

‘It’s acid green, silicone and on the bigger side, I felt like being stretched tonight’, her voice is straining as she starts wedging the tip in.

‘Mhmmm’ he rumbles into the phone and from the way he is breathing, she can tell he’s also touching himself. ‘Rey, have you been touching yourself thinking of me this week?’

‘_Yesss, _I have. On some nights, even twice.’ _It seems that Filterless Rey_ _has taken the steering wheel, brace yourself!_

‘Jesus Christ. Are you even real? Rey, do you have headphones nearby?’

‘Y-yes.’ 

‘I want you to go get them.’

She gets up and quickly finds her headphones and connects them to her phone. ‘I am back’, she lets him know once she laying down, headphones in her ears, grateful for having both of her hands free.

‘Good. Are you touching yourself?’

‘Yes.’

‘Will you tell me, why did you feel like being stretched tonight?’

‘I’m, ahhhh-’ she stops when she dips the head of the dildo fully for the first time in her cunt. ‘Because I am thinking of how good it would feel to have you inside me.’

‘Fuck’, he curses under his breath. ‘Rey, take it and suck it into your mouth, make it good and wet for me, will you do that?’ She immediately obeys and slides the toy into her mouth, licks around the parts she can’t reach. Her other hand is on her clit, working herself with two fingers in circular motions, just as she likes it.

She pauses briefly from sucking on the toy ‘Ben, are you touching yourself? I want you to think of being in my mouth while you stroke your cock.’

‘I am, fuck, Rey. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself, not with you sounding like this.’ his voice, ragged, cracks in the middle of the sentence, and she can hear his exhales becoming more urgent.

She can taste herself on the dildo and the combination of his voice in her ears and the taste of her arousal in her mouth is making her head spin. ‘Good girl’, he encourages her when he hears the sounds of her licking the toy.

‘How would it feel, Rey? I want you to slide it all the way inside your pussy and tell me how would it feel if it would be me.’

She is quiet for a minute. Well, not exactly quiet, just wordlessly moaning and humming while slowly working the dildo all the way inside her. It’s not very big, but it’s been so long, that she can feel the slight pinch of her body adjusting to its size. 

‘It would almost hurt. But I am so worked up that I’ll like it. You would feel so hot in my cunt, so hard, so _ big _. This toy doesn’t even come close to you, your cock would stretch me so, so, so... good.’ She’s slowly feeling like she’s losing the ability to speak, but she presses on. 

‘When you would be in to the root, it would be so hard not to move, not to slide all the way back out, to feel the full length of it at once. And God, I would want to _ see that’, _she says while doing exactly that with the acid green dildo. It all feels deliciously heightened.

‘Ah, me too, sweetheart, I would be hypnotized watching my dick go in and out of that sweet little pussy of yours, it will be hard not to come at the sight of me balls deep in you’, Ben says with an unexpected fondness that somehow tugs both at her arousal and at her heart strings.

She has to admit, this is way better than doing it by herself. She would have probably come in less than two minutes and it would have been perfunctory and boring. But this...his voice in her ears, his breathing becoming more and more laboured. It’s almost as good as sex. 

‘Rey, take your other hand and touch your tits’, he commands and she silently obeys, taking her wet fingers from her clitoris and stroking her nipples. She starts to pinch them, gently at first, then harder and harder while Ben’s voice continues in her ears ’Fuck, I love your perky tits, did I tell you? I dream of your riding me and me not taking my mouth off them the _ whole _ time until you come on my dick so hard that you rip the hair right out of my fucking scalp’, he lets out a harsh breath. ‘Fuck, Rey, this feels so good.’

She can tell they’re both a bit delirious now. ‘Ben, I will move my fingers to my clit now. My legs are spread as wide as they go and I am pushing this toy as deep inside as I can. I am already clamping on it, I won’t last long’ and she moves to do just that. Her nub is so engorged and her cunt is twitching against the dildo. 

Soon her words are replaced with moans and incoherent words while he continues egging her on. ‘Yes, yes, do that. Fuck, that would be a sight to see. You look so good when you come.’ he says, his voice now a little bit higher, the words coming in bursts. She can hear he intensified his movements too, the sounds of skin slapping skin distinctive from his end. ‘You flush so pretty and your screams, fuck, they make my dick jump, Rey.’

‘What are you doing, tell me.’ she begs.

‘I am grabbing my balls, baby, and beating my dick so hard, fuck! It’s a leaking mess and jolting every time you moan, _ fuck _’, he’s whispering now like it would be too difficult to talk at full volume, his tone imploring. She recognises from last week that’s how he sounds when he gets close.

She cries out loud when she feels her orgasm reach it’s edge and says ‘Ben, fuck, I am coming, fuck, it feels so good!’

‘Yes, sweetheart, come, let that sweet pussy come for me.’ His breaths are now short gusts of inhales and exhales hissing into her ears.

She is so acutely aware of his moans in the headphones. He’s louder than he was last week and he feels _ so near _ so this time she _ listens _ , really listens to how he sounds and she really wishes he would be here. He sounds like he postpones it for a beat, getting quiet for a second and then cries out as he comes. Her mind is positively filthy by this point and she’s happy she has temporarily lost the ability to speak, because who knows what would be coming from her mouth. She sees glimpses of Ben in her mind, Ben on top of her, Ben fucking her from behind, Ben eating her out her while she strokes his cock, Ben looking down on her while she sucks him off, Ben squirting on her belly. Her cunt is clenching and pulsating on the toy as her mind spins into a kaleidoscope of Ben fantasies. Her orgasm washes over her in waves, her cries and _ ‘Oh, fuck’ _ and _ ‘Oh my God, Ben’ _ echo loudly in the room while his words are a litany of ‘ _ Yes, Rey, that’s it’,‘Yes, baby, come, let me hear you’. _

When it’s over, they both breathe in silence for a moment as Rey is still stroking herself, coming down from her orgasm.

‘Mhmmm, that was...wow.’ He breaks the silence, his voice heavy ‘I hope that was okay.’

‘Oh, that was very_ okay _, thank you’, she says and laughs, sounding hoarse and giddy and she feels like she could fly.

‘I think I am the one to thank you. For letting me hear you. Fuck, woman, I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.’

‘Yes, but you are not coming up. Text me when you are downstairs’, she adds, knowing full well that after tonight, it will be incredibly hard not jump him on sight.

‘Of course, I am also looking forward to...talk more. I hope you will sleep better now?’ he says and she can hear he’s smiling.

‘Ah, I am sure I will sleep like a baby now’, she stretches on the bed languorously.

‘Good. Good night Rey, and thank you, again.’

‘Stop thanking me for phone sex, you dork! Good night, Ben’

‘Good night.’ 

-

The next morning, she jumps eagerly out of bed when her 8.30 alarm sounds off. Time to get ready. She showers, curls her long bob into loose curls and goes just for mascara, liner and blush. She chooses a feminine blacks dress with cream and gold embroidered flower details. Perfectly casual, the half-sleeves are slightly puffy, the neckline conservative and the skirt fanning to her knees. It’s cute, but it accentuates her waist in just the right way, the black contrasting with her light creamy skin and bringing out the hazel in her eyes.

Just when she does the finishing touches, applying a nude pink lipstick, brushing out her curls with her fingers, her phone buzzes.

** _Ben: I’m here, if you’re ready. If not, no worries._ **

It’s 9.47. _ Someone was impatient. _

She doesn’t reply, instead, she straps on her low heel sandals, shrugs her leather jacket on, and goes down to meet him before allowing herself the time to panic. 

However, by the time she pushes the door to the building open, her heart is beating so loudly in her chest that she thinks passing out is not entirely out of the question. _ Keep it cool, please. _ She tells herself, but keeping it cool is pretty much not an option when she spots him.

He’s parked in front of the building, leaning against his car, and somehow, he just got even hotter since the last time she saw him. He’s wearing dark jeans and a plaid shirt with black leather sneakers. His hair looks softer, less in place than it was at the fundraiser and his beard seems to be growing back. He doesn’t hide looking her up and down, his jaw working in that way of his like he just thought of something. He pushes away from his car and quietly walks, a smile on his face, and she has a slight moment of panic not knowing what’s appropriate as a greeting. Do they kiss on the cheek? Hug? Kiss? 

Thankfully, he goes in for a hug, spreading his arms invitingly and saying ‘Good morning!’ cheerfully while his arms engulf her. His chin comes to rest comfortably on the top of her head.

‘Good morning’, she responds, smiling big, relieved to feel his heart thudding in his chest once their bodies are against each other. She didn’t even know you could feel someone’s heart beating in their chest like that. His smell is as alluring as always, and this time she lets herself take it in: pepper, greenery and violets and then, something deeper and earthy, like leather and resin. It makes her want to burrow in his chest. He’s warm and soft and somehow, the tension slightly dissipates while they hug for a bit longer than what may be socially acceptable with someone you met just a week ago.

‘Where shall we go? I feel like eggs and bacon’, he asks, stepping away and rubbing his belly. 

‘That sounds delicious. I know a brunch place that has all sorts of breakfast stuff, and coffeeeeee.’

‘Lead the way’, he says as he opens the car door for her.

-

The drive there is slightly awkward. When he asks if she slept well, she blushes and says ‘Very good, thank you!’, not ready to acknowledge how dirty things got last night. 

She wants to talk, but she finds herself being unexpectedly shy and tongue tied. She watches him drive and he meets her eyes, watching her watching him. He raises his eyebrows in question and then they both start laughing. 

‘Hey, there’s no reason to feel weird. Look, we’re just going to breakfast.’ He says earnestly, gesturing to the car and the road.

‘Oh, I find that there are plenty of reasons to feel awkward around you. Like...I’ve orgasmed twice with you, said and did pretty filthy things. You know, the kind of things you do with someone at least a couple of months in.’

‘Why wait?’, he shrugs. ‘Tell me, how did you decide to do what you do? The youtube stuff.’, he continues.

‘Hmm, I can’t say that I _ chose _ it, not from the beginning. I guess I can say that what I was studying wasn’t what I really wanted to do in life, and I was searching for something else.’ she replies, feeling grateful for navigating into safer territory.

‘Oh? What was it you were studying?

‘Aviation Engineering.’ At her answer, his eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

‘I know, I know. But somehow I was really good at Math in high school and I’ve always had a weird obsession with planes, so I thought: that must be it! I don’t regret any of it, though. I even liked the coursework - sometimes. Plus, Engineering is where I met Rose and she was the closest thing to a family I had in years. Then our little group extended to include Finn and Poe and I couldn’t be more grateful to have them in my life.’

‘What _ do _you really want to do in life?’, he asks.

_ Ah, isn’t that the million-dollar question. _

‘Something meaningful...to other people’ she says, knowing how vague it sounds. But she hasn’t exactly figured that one out 100%.

‘What about your channel?’

‘Ah, that. There were things happening on campus while we were there...Actually not _ just _on our campus, it seemed like a nationwide problem and we thought why not have some fun with it and make some funny PSA-style videos about consent, you know? That’s actually how we met Poe. We put an announcement that we’re looking for a cameraman, and he showed up. That year I had taken a minor in Gender Studies because, well, I guess I really was more interested in that topic. Then it snowballed to the point where I had to stop pretending I actually wanted to be an engineer.’ She gestures him to the place where he should be parking as they arrive at the brunch place.

Inside, she feels at ease and, while they decide on what to order, the conversation flows easily. He’s funny, comically vocal about his opinions on breakfast foods and having desert as the first meal of the day, but Rey doesn’t much care to listen to him while inhaling her banana pancakes.

‘I have been informed you actually eat other people desert cereal for breakfast.’ Rey teases.

‘Ah, so I guess you spoke with Poe?’, he says, rubbing the back of his neck.

‘Yup.’ 

‘Hux always gets the good stuff. Plus, he now bills me for his groceries so I am perfectly entitled to his fridge’, Ben explains. She studies his sudden gawkiness and finds it endearing.

It’s hard to not get swept in his flow as he asks her questions about what she likes, what she cooks, what she likes doing with her friends, books, movies, and they exchange opinions about things they are interested in. As he tells her about his recent obsession with coffee, she slowly works up the courage to start following up on her goal for their date today.

‘How come I haven’t seen you or heard about you all these months working with Leia?’, she asks and she can see him stiffen and his demeanor changing from the carefree breakfast banter to cautious and hesitant. 

‘I think that’s a question for Leia maybe?’, he responds, trying to deflect, but he promised her answers, so she decides to press on.

‘And I think you could shed some light on your perspective.’

He sighs and leans back in his chair, further from her, one set of fingers tapping on the table.

‘Ok, I guess here we go. I would guess she never mentioned me because I was a shit son for a really long time. But neither of my parents were particularly good at having a child, not together anyway so we were mutually shitty to each other. Then it took some time to want to be around each other again. It’s still new.’

‘Care to elaborate?’, she asks and he looks down before starting to talk again. She can see talking about this is difficult and she nods and smiles encouragingly ‘As much as you are comfortable to share.’

‘I spent most of the time between 15 and 20 being drunk and high on different things. But it’s the alcohol that stuck through my twenties. I won’t make any excuses but my parents’ relationship was tough on me, sob story etcetera. Then I was pretty much always trashed until my mid twenties. I was still given so many chances but I blew every single one of them. I pushed away and destroyed everything that was good in my life. After that, I felt like I couldn’t ask anything from some people ever again. Leia was one of them.

I still don’t talk to Han. Well, he was _ the problem, _ so I’m not sure I will ever want to. As for Leia, let’s say that I find it way easier to relate to her now, as an adult, than I did when I was growing up.’

‘What changed?’

‘It’s a long story, really. A lot of small changes, I guess. I went to Switzerland, to my uncle Luke who has a therapy farm there - like a Rehab of sorts. Mom was hesitant to send me there and I really really didn’t want to go, but after a certain incident with some paparazzi, it was a sort of a last resort. I was to live in the commune there, touch the goats to feel better or some shit. I hated it in the beginning but it worked. In part.’

‘How so?’

‘I wanted to get better, so I put in the work. I started feeling like I am ready for something more so I enrolled in University.’

‘What did you study?’

‘Theoretical Philosophy.’

‘That’s...unexpected? Why?’

‘Well, I wanted to read books and argue about shit for a living. Question pretty much every idea, because it’s all bullshit.’

‘And then?’

‘Turns out questioning every idea is bullshit too. Things were good for a while, but I after I started my PhD, I fell off the waggon and graduated very quickly to the level of functional alcoholism. I hated that environment, everyone was an asshole. I was an asshole too and I couldn’t stand myself. So I drank and was able to hide it for a while.’ He stops for a moment to rub his face and run his hands through his hair.

‘Until it wasn’t functional anymore. And I started getting pissed again. And I mean...worse than ever before, no dignity left. Luke threw me out after a particularly awful night that I don’t remember very well. But I distinctly recall him saying _‘You’re a sad drunk, just like your father.’_ I also remember the crunch my fist made breaking his nose, and I definitely remember him breaking my arm.’ As her eyes get big and worried, he waves a hand ‘In his defense, I think he was trying to get me to stop hitting him, but I wouldn’t stop trying to free myself from the hold. I am not usually violent, not unless, you know, someone hits first. But that...was a very low blow. The _lowest._ After that, there were a lot of fucked up days, months really, I couldn’t tell you what I did during that time even if I tried. Until one morning, when Luke found me in his bushes, and I had pissed and shit myself. It served to bring me to the realization that in two years I’ll probably be dead. And I didn’t want to die. 

Hux was there for a lot of it. We met at Luke’s and as much as we can’t stand each other, I don’t know, we bonded irreversibly over daddy issues. He helped me _ a lot _. Luke referred me to another rehab and we both admitted it was a mistake to get treatment from him. I guess, somehow, even though he only got to know me like that, he still loved me. 

But it’s three years later now and I am not dead. So, I guess I am grateful I have made it so far.’ His eyes are shining and she can feel her own eyes stinging with tears.

‘Have you been sober all this time?’ she asks.

‘I have. The temptation is there, believe me. They call it a recovering alcoholic for a reason. But with time I have found better ways to cope with stress and the cravings don’t stop my functioning anymore. I dropped out of University, started doing some work with Hux and eventually Leia let us in. I guess she also felt like it was time.’

‘Do you mind it when I drink?’

‘It makes things more difficult, but I can be around alcohol and not be consumed by the thought of wanting it. I do have to ask if last Friday is a common occurrence for you though?’

‘No, not at all. I actually haven’t been going out much and, really, I hadn’t done that in like - a year. I was a bit crazy to come at you like that’, she says, covering her face.

‘I didn’t mind it’, he grins. ‘But I couldn’t be around you if that’s how you usually have fun.’

‘Oh, after how bad I felt the next morning, I think I may never-ever do that again,’ Rey laughs ‘You wrote you hadn’t been with someone for a long time, until last week’, she says questioningly.

‘Yes. I hadn’t. My habits and relationships didn’t mix well and I’m afraid I always cared more about the bottle than the people in my life. Casual sex was never my thing, really. I dated a woman in Switzerland for a while, but I am afraid I ruined a lot of her days and nights. After, when I started trying to get sober, relationships were pretty much discouraged by every single professional I talked to and I didn’t really feel like I could even consider it anyway.’

‘And that has changed?’ she asks, now suspecting that the change has something to do with her.

‘I am hoping that it did, it’s hard to say for sure, but I am compelled to try by this very wonderful woman who swept me off my feet. I have only been able to think about her for a week, it’s exactly like the songs say.’ He smiles bashfully at her, making Rey blush, but she is determined to stay on track.

‘Thank you for being so open. I really appreciate it. I am sure it’s not easy to talk about these things.’

He shrugs ‘I said I would answer your questions.’

She changes tack and asks about dating, sexual experiences hoping to embarrass him just a little bit. The first thing she notices is that Ben doesn’t get mortified when it comes to sexual experiences. The second is that Ben seems to have had very brief and inconsistent brushes with relationships and romance. They keep the conversation light, but she can glimpse that he has spent most of his youth being emotionally unavailable.

‘Favorite fantasy?’ As soon as she asks the question, she can feel the playful banter shift to something else.

‘I’m a man, ergo my mind is filthy. You’ll have to get more specific.’ He leans on his forearms on the table, coming into her space.

‘Okay, what have you been masturbating to this week?’, she asks thinking he would say something like ‘hot nurse’ or ‘sexy librarian’ or something.

He first lifts and eyebrow, pointedly, reminding her about last night. Then, he narrows his eyes in thought, sits back and starts speaking like he’s reciting in iambic pentameter or something.

‘It all starts with a particularly hot woman opening her bathrobe for me and letting me see her cute little tits, her face flushed and her lips very, very kissable.’ 

‘Oh fuck, shut up!’ she whispers, looking around the packed place. His voice is low but in no way a whisper.

‘She lets me get her naked and she smells so good-‘, he continues. His voice carries.

‘I get it, point made, I wanted the abbreviated version just-‘

‘- she feels so soft and makes all the right sounds when I push her against a wall. She’s so responsive when I put my fingers in her tight little cunt and becomes so fucking turned on when I suck it all off my fingers. And it tastes fucking delicious.’

‘Ben!’, she says, but the protest is weak and does nothing to deter him.

‘I put her on the bed and I open her pretty pink pussy for me and would you believe it, when I ask her to touch herself she doesn’t even think twice and shows me how she likes it. When I start fingering her, she’s vibrating and rubbing herself so hard it takes all the self-control I have not to fuck her into the bed.’

Now that she’s not protesting anymore, but is looking at him with her lips parted, he pauses to study her flushed face and rubs his lower lip. When did this place become so warm?

‘She practically arches off the bed every time I suck on one of her sensitive perky tits. When I finally get my mouth between her legs she is divine, her hands in my hair, and getting my fingers to fuck her as she likes it, nice and deep in her cunt. She keeps bearing down on my fingers so eagerly and my dick is so hard by this point I think it’s gonna fall off.’

He leans on his elbows again, coming closer to her, his voice low and deep. Rey is just smiling and covering her face. He knows it’s working.

‘And then she fucking blows my mind to shit when she looks at me all flushed and bright-eyed like an innocent little thing and tells me to touch her asshole when she comes and her words go straight to my dick. Then she grabs me by the hair and holds me tight to her cunt, which by now is clamping on my fingers and gushing in my mouth while she screams and comes and comes and comes and...comes.’ He pauses to watch her closely now, studying her face. Rey is suddenly having trouble breathing and she’s tightly gripping the table with both hands.’ He continues.

‘I am delirious by this point, but I stay there, drinking her in and then, something that hasn’t happened since I was a teenager happens and I come in my own hand after like two pumps of my dick.’ He finishes and smiles his stupid toothy smile, looking at her like he would really want to kiss her. Like he didn’t just tell her the filthiest thing she has ever heard in her entire life. Rey would not be opposed to that, but she doesn’t think that she would be able to stop herself at kissing.

‘You are crazy.’ She says, red as a tomato but undeniably turned on.

‘This will get things complicated.’ She hesitates with the last line of defense because she knows by this point that it’s inevitable they will end up in bed together. Preferably in the next thirty seconds.

‘I can do complicated. Or things could be really simple.’ He says, pushing himself to sit back in his chair again. The distance doesn’t help with how breathless Rey is.

‘Your mom is my main sponsor, how exactly would this be simple?’

‘Leia is Chairman, not me.’

‘You’re basically funding me!’

‘So what? We’re in same field. Finding partners in your peer group is not unheard of.’

‘But-‘ she starts, but he waves her feeble protests away.

‘Rey, here’s my idea. We already know we feel really good together,’ Rey nods. ‘So we go on a few more of these little dates and if we treat each other well, we’re then boyfriend and girlfriend, or together, or in a relationship - whatever you will want to call it. And then we see if our particular habits and quirks drive each other nuts. Meanwhile, we can’t keep our hands off each other and, if you’ll let me, I get to fuck you on most surfaces I can find. I am hoping that after a while we start getting other interests and we become one of those asshole couples that brunch together’, he says gesturing around the room ‘or open a dildo stand at the farmers market or something, and become really fucking boring - I don’t care, Rey. Just don’t walk away for stupid reasons.’ 

When she says nothing for a few beats, he gently covers her hands on the table and continues ‘I can’t promise I won’t fuck things up, I have a long history of doing that, but I want to trust that I can pull this off. With you’, he says, a certain _ please _unspoken, but clear in his proposal.

‘Okay, but one question. Are the dildos locally produced? I won’t compromise on the ethics of our dildo selling.’ she replies, and he laughs, relieved.

They are interrupted by the waiter depositing the bill unceremoniously on the table.

‘We didn’t ask for the bill.’ Ben says, confused.

‘I am sorry, but I am gonna have to ask you to leave. Some patrons have complained of really graphic language that isn’t compatible with breakfast. This is a family restaurant’, the waiter says haughtily.

It takes them a while to get to his car as their progress is halted several times by Rey dissolving into fits of hysterical laughter and grabbing Ben’s arm so that she doesn’t kneel on the ground when a particular strong giggling fit takes away her ability to stand. 

As they walk through the parking lot, Ben turns to yell while pointing one finger towards the entrance ‘I thought your ridiculously overpriced eggs _ sucked _ anyway!’, causing her to dissolve into laughter again, but they are too far away to be heard already.

When they are finally next to the car and she is wiping the laughter tears from her eyes, he cups her face with one palm and gently caresses her face.

‘Do you still feel attracted to me, Rey?’ The question tugs at her heart and she can see the clear _ do you still want me _ on his face. 

_ How could I not want you?, _she thinks but instead, she asks ‘What happens if it doesn’t work out?’

‘We’ll probably fight and I’ll probably cry and then we will have to run into each other sometimes and it will be complicated. But I promise I will never let it interfere with your funding. I may be a fuckup but can see the good work you are doing and I believe it will make a good difference. 

I can’t imagine ever not wanting you, so you will have to keep me at a distance and never _ ever _let me back into your bed because it will be even harder to get rid of me after that. Every time I’ll see you smile, it will hurt because you will still be the most beautiful woman I ever laid eyes on.’

‘How do you even talk like that?’, she asks, feeling naked and raw as his words make her heart soar with hope and possibilities.

‘I promised to be honest,’ he pauses and brings both of his hands to cup her face. ’Do you want me, Rey?’

‘Yes.’ She puts her palm on his chest and feels his heart thundering in his chest. ‘It’s infuriating how much I do’, she continues.

‘Do you want me to kiss you right now?’ He says and gently pushes her back so she’s pinned against the car. 

‘Yes’, she says and the sudden rush of arousal is making her head spin.

‘You do?’ He bends to nuzzle against the sensitive skin behind her ear and she gasps. ‘Ah, you do’, he whispers.

He pulls slightly back so he can look at her face. ‘You have that hungry look in your eyes. I love it when you look at me like that.’

‘What else do you want me to do?’ He runs one palm down the side of her body slowly, until it comes to rest on her hip and draws her against him so she can feel him harden against her belly. Emboldened by his monologue earlier in the restaurant she decides to try and beat him at his own game, her own arms go to rest on his shoulders, fingers playing with the strands at the back of his neck.

She looks sweetly at him and says ‘I would like to get your pants off, lay you down and have you show me that beautiful big cock of yours. I want to take my time licking it and teasing you and seeing how you react and where you like to be touched. I want you to look at me while you fuck my mouth and have a real hard time not coming down my throat.’ She presses her torso against him and his growing arousal.

‘Ah and here I was, deluded to think I had gained the upper hand in teasing.’ He breathes out heavily, in mock disappointment.

He lifts her chin up and kisses her, his lips soft and gentle but breath hot and urgent on her face. The hand on her hip slides to cup her ass and draws her flush against him, his erection now hard against her belly. They both inhale sharply and she lets out a little moan, the tension of the past week, the misunderstanding melting between them. She opens her mouth to him and this kiss is slow. He’s playful and intense, tongue and teeth teasing her. She pulls her nails down the back of his shirt and he hums at the sensation. But when she swipes her tongue inside his mouth, he opens and sucks it all in. They both need to break away to breathe after that. 

‘Let’s not have them call the police on us.’ He says and opens the door for the passenger seat for her.

‘Where to?’ He asks when he’s in the driver’s seat, interlacing their fingers on the console between them.


	5. R U Mine?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Do you...want to go to--’, he starts but his eyes blink once in confusion, his mouth moves to form words and he then bows all the way to lay his head on her thighs. 
> 
> ’Fuck! Now I am nervous!’, he swears into her skirt.
> 
> She laughs and pushes at his shoulders so that she can jump off from the countertop. 
> 
> ‘If you were gonna ask me if I’d like to be in the vicinity of a bed, then the answer would be Yes’, she says and tries to take his hand, but he growls playfully and rams gently into her, lifting her up by the waist and all but running with her out of the kitchen.   
\-------  
It's porn, just porn, really NSFW. Don't act like you don't know what this fic was all about.

**I guess what I'm trying to say is I need the deep end**

**Keep imagining meeting, wished away entire lifetimes**

**Unfair we're not somewhere misbehaving for days**

**Great escape lost track of time and space**

**She's a silver lining climbing on my desire**

**And I go crazy 'cause here isn't where I wanna be**

**And satisfaction feels like a distant memory**

**And I can't help myself**

**All I wanna hear her say is are you mine?**

Once they get inside the car and he starts the engine, he hesitates ‘Do you want to go somewhere, or around town?’

‘Ben, I want to go somewhere we can take care of this in private,’ Rey huffs a laugh, motioning between their bodies.

‘Can we go to my place then? I can make you some coffee,’ he offers and she rolls her eyes a little. She can’t help but smile at how excited he looks and she nods, curious about seeing where he lives and tasting his coffee.

The drive is not long, but she uses the time to ask about his business and what he occupies his days with. Learns he started to study psychology, but he’s still quite far from graduating. He would like to work with families of recovering addicts in the future and she can’t help but admire the way he’s reframing his entire trauma. 

Somehow, they manage to keep their hands off each other, but the tension is thick and heavy in the air between them. He touches her in small ways, walking around the car to open the door to her side and extending a hand to help her climb out of the passenger seat. A light touch to the small of her back, guiding her inside her apartment. All the while she feels like her body is electric. 

His apartment is very stylish, not overly big, but tastefully decorated and tidy. The huge window is letting the midday sun stream into the living room. The furniture looks comfy, all natural and rough textures: a stripped brick wall, brown leather couch, massive wood surfaces and a giant cream woolen rug in the centre. Plants everywhere. She didn’t picture him as a plant person.

‘This is really nice,’ she says looking around.

‘Hux had someone do both of our apartments, he told her to do _ Hipster Coffee shop. _’ He rubs the back of his neck. embarrassed. ‘I can’t say that I mind it, it feels quite cosy. But those fucking plants are not gonna survive me.’

He gestures towards the kitchen where there’s more of the same style. There a rough massive wood island in the middle of the space, the brick walls decorated with different cooking pots and utensils. She wonders if he ever cooks.

On a separate large countertop, there is what seems like a full cafe ensemble: grinders, a large espresso machine, a few different types of coffee pots, a shelf with a few bags of coffee and a few coffee plants. He wasn’t kidding when he said he’s into coffee.

_ I thought 'make coffee for you' might have been a euphemism. _

As he asks her to pick what coffee she wants, detailing the flavour profile of each one, she settles on one of the kitchen island barstools and watches him work. He folds his sleeves up, making her mouth water at the sight of his forearms momentarily.

He asks her questions, _ a lot of questions. _It seems like he’s making up for how much he has shared with her about his past and family and she feels inclined to be as forthcoming as he was with her earlier.

Rey has lived in the UK with her mom all of young life, it has been only them. Her mom was an orphan, meaning all she’s achieved in life, she’s built on her own, something Rey has always admired. It wasn’t until she was sixteen that Rey found out who her father was. Her mom always told her he was a small director she met while she was an extra in one of his movies. But finally, after a particularly bad fight, her mom finally shared his name with her.

He pays attention to what she’s saying, a look of fondness in his eyes as she recounts how she then became obsessed with meeting him and so she moved to the US for University. During those times, she furiously researched everything there was to know about her father and his movies. One of his movies became Giallo cult classic of sorts, but he never managed to capitalize on the notoriety in any particular way. Outside of art-house circles, nobody would know who he was.

A couple of years ago, after she dropped out of university, she very much needed help with getting her green card, so she decided to try her luck and contact him. She found him living in a condo complex in Califonia, still unmarried, very little to his name and a sour disposition which, she guessed, explained the almost complete lack of a social life. Her father helped her get her green card and they keep in touch, somewhat. But he tries in his own way, he really does. 

Ben hands her a beautifully poured latte, with a perfectly shaped leaf. She takes a sip and it’s heaven, the milk so incredibly sweet on her tongue, this might be the best thing she’s ever tasted. 

She’s watching him going through the motions of making coffee for himself and sipping from her own cup. The conversation flows freely, he’s talking about the work he and Hux do for the foundation, and she nods distracted by how his hands and arms look. How he needs to push the hair out of his face now and then and very very focused on how full and inviting his lips look. 

‘Rey?’ he asks, bringing her out of her daydream.

‘What?’, she realises he’s asking her something and she hasn’t been paying attention to his words in the past few minutes.

‘You’re...what are you thinking about?’

‘That I would like you to kiss me again,’ she answers, brazenly trying to overcome the nervousness that has settled in the pit of her stomach.

He furrows his eyebrows for just a second, his eyes appraising something and approaches her way more cautiously than she would expect at such a direct invitation. She feels quite frozen in place as his hands come to caress her upper arms, not breathing, not moving, stuck in the moment of her own sudden anxiety. He leans down with ease, his body already very good at adjusting to their height difference and gives her a soft kiss on her lips. He then retreats a few inches away to look at her face again.

‘You’re shaking. Why?’ he asks, rubbing his hands up and down her arms.

‘I-I don’t know.’ She responds, for the first time realising that she is indeed shaking and some time since they entered the door she’s started to feel incredibly gauche.

‘Come here.’ He grabs her hand, leading her to stand next to the countertop and as soon as she’s close enough, he easily picks her up and places her to sit on top of it. Her breathing is heavy, regarding him now from eye-level, his body between her knees, but far enough that they’re not touching. They spend the next few moments in silence, Ben picking up loose strands of her hair and pushing them behind her ear. 

‘Rey, I am content to just have coffee with you. We can go back out and have a walk too. Whatever you want.’ He picks up her hand gives a kiss on her open palm, his eyes earnest and soft. 

‘I sometimes get too much into my head and it’s hard to - move ahead.’ She confesses, moving her hand to mirror his gestures, playing with strands of his soft hair and caressing his face. 

‘I have noticed.’ He smiles and closes his eyes at the affectionate gesture and that moves her out of her frozen state. She scoots forward on the countertop and comes closer to him.

‘I like you a lot, Ben Solo’, she whispers.

He opens his eyes and looks at her with something akin to awe and hope and finally steps in so that his body is flush with her. His hands cup her face and he leans in to press their lips together. His lips are urgent and hot on hers and this kiss feels different than all of the times they’ve kissed before. It’s an act in and of itself, the intensity transparent in the way they both move to embrace each other, and in the way their hearts are pounding against their rib cages. When she sneaks her hands under his shirt to touch the hot skin of his back, his hands move to grasp her hips and her body is screaming to touch all of him, more, all at once. She pushes her breasts against his chest, back arching, breaking their lips apart to expose her throat to his kisses. 

He obliges and pulls her against him, securing her against his body while his mouth is hungry and urgent on the sensitive skin of her neck. When her legs envelop him and tugs his hips into hers, he leans back just slightly to look at her, cheeks flushed and brushes his thumb over her lower lip, spurring her mouth to open and gently bite on the pad of his finger. 

‘Do you...want to go to--’, he starts but his eyes blink once in confusion, his mouth moves to form words and he then bows all the way to lay his head on her thighs. 

’_ Fuck _! Now I am nervous!’, he swears into her skirt.

She laughs and pushes at his shoulders so that she can jump off from the countertop. 

‘If you were gonna ask me if I’d like to be in the vicinity of a bed, then the answer would be _ Yes _’, she says and tries to take his hand, but he growls playfully and rams gently into her, lifting her up by the waist and all but running with her out of the kitchen. 

She squeals at the sudden playfulness and doesn’t get much time before her feet are back on the ground, this time in his bedroom. They look at each other and the intensity is back, but she doesn’t miss the smile in his eyes or the way his jaw moves in thought. 

She turns and gestures for him to help her with her zipper and he is immediately at her back, but he doesn’t seem interested in taking her dress off just yet. He pushes her hair away to gain access to the back of her neck to then moves his hands down to caress her breasts through her dress, down her abdomen and slides his palms back around to caress her bottom. She doesn’t mind it at all, but she would rather he did this with less fabric between them.

‘Are you stalling by any chance?’

‘Maybe?’, he says while he finally starts opening her zipper and kissing the exposed skin of her back. It’s enough to make her knees buckle. 

‘Take off your shirt’, she says while stepping away from his lips and turning to face him. He makes a face as if he would rather return to what he was doing before she interrupted.

‘Do it, otherwise we’ll still be here with our clothes on when the sun goes down,’ she insists.

He unbuttons his shirt while she swiftly pulls the zipper all the way down and lets the garment fall to the floor. As she steps away from the dress in nothing but her underwear, his eyes are all over her body, pupils wide and lips parted, hair mussed up from her hands. He pulls his undershirt over his head and now it’s her turn to stare at the wide expanse of his chest, the smattering of moles on his skin, the graceful muscles and his erection pressing against the seam of his jeans. 

‘And you jeans’, she says when he moves to come closer. She sits down on the bed, watching him undress completely, the muscled thighs and yes, there it is, something she has some unfinished business with. His cock is standing at attention, as pretty as she remembered it. Ben watches her watch him in amusement and sinks down on his all fours to crawl playfully towards the bed for the last remaining steps separating them. 

When he reaches her, he opens her legs and makes her hips buck when his fingers push against her damp panties and rub her clit through the fabric. 

‘You’ve ruined these,’ he says, thumbing at her panties, appraising her wetness, and then slips them down her legs. He pulls her so that her butt is all the way at the edge of the bed and then sits up on his knees.

‘Ben,’ she says. ‘This was not the deal we’ve made.’

‘Mmhmm, you look delicious,’ he hums, as if he can’t hear her and lowers his mouth to give her cunt one, swift lick.

Rey moans and jerks violently, the stimulation too much, too soon, and she instinctively tries to squirm away. But he has stopped and looks at her smugly.

‘Still nervous?’ he asks. And if she wasn’t so aroused she would probably pinch him for the cheek, but yes, indeed, the nervousness has mostly dissipated to be replaced by raging lust. 

Rey pulls herself up to a sitting position and she’s towering over him, still on his knees in front of the bed. She grabs him by the jaw, pulling him closer to look at his flushed face. His gaze is heated and his breathing laboured and she can see his cock jutting out, hard and almost purple against his abdomen. She gives him a kiss and their lips stay somehow sweet and gentle despite what they’re doing and how worked up they are. As his tongue thrusts shallowly into her mouth, she can taste herself and a low moan escapes her chest.

She breaks their kiss, still holding on his jaw. ‘Stand up,’ she commands and it’s strange how the dynamics have changed so swiftly. He slowly stands up, his whole height unfolding right in front of her, bringing his cock right in front of her face. 

She looks at it for a moment and tentatively grabs it from the base to give it a few slow, languorous strokes.

‘Yes,’ he says in a voice so low that it vibrates in her ears. She realizes that maybe she should take her time to explore his body first, find more about what he likes, work him up slowly, but her patience has been running out and they have the rest of the day to do that, after. 

She dips and catches the head of his cock between her lips, satisfied at the sharp inhale he takes in response. Her mouth has been craving for this, for him, heavy and hot in her mouth and so, so sensitive. She opens wider and lets him sink deeper while her other hand starts stroking in rhythm with her movements. 

One of his hands cups the back of her head and gently massages the muscles there, while the other, not as gentle, comes to rest on her shoulder. From time to time he touches her cheek - so soft and tender, coaxing her eyes open to look at him. And it’s strange, what she feels every time she does. In her head, she’d thought looking at each other like this would be lewd and carnal, but instead, she can’t help by notice how incredibly beautiful he looks towering over her naked, with his hair all mussed up and his lips pink and swollen. She knows nobody really looks good while giving head and that she probably is no exception, but from his gaze, she feels nothing but adoration and delight. It makes her close her eyes and tighten her grip around him, sucking and licking and stroking just so he _ stops doing that. _

He’s sensitive in the beginning, periodically squeezing on her shoulder and pulling his hips back to stop her stimulation when his cock twitches in her mouth. Her cunt flutters in response each time, wanting to feel that inside, against her walls. He feels so good, his length hard and big and she finds she enjoys the little salty tastes of him she can get as precum starts leaking into her mouth and his moans get louder and louder. After some time he relaxes into her touch, no longer jerking his hips away and she picks up the rhythm, encouraged by his heavy breaths. He’s so hard now, and she realizes where this is going. As much as she wants to feel him deep inside, she also wants to feel him let go like this, to hear him coming apart in her mouth. 

He pulls away from her mouth, thwarting her plans. ‘There will be plenty of time for that. I want to fuck you,’ he smiles down at her and gestures her to move up the bed. 

She does, obediently, ready for his attention, her cunt hot and swollen and so, so wet. 

‘You’re so fucking hot, Jesus Christ,’ he says playfully as he crawls up her body, kissing and licking what he can reach until their faces are level and he kisses her. There’s no gentleness this time. His mouth and tongue heavy and hot. How he can be so sensual and playful at the same time, she can’t comprehend. He nibbles and mock bites at her lips and she files away this other maddeningly endearing detail about Ben Solo. 

He pushes against her thigh with one arm and opens her wide, then dips one finger in her heat.

‘Holy fuck, you’re even wetter now,’ he groans into her mouth. ‘Did you like sucking me off, Rey? Is that what got you so dripping wet?’

She would like to reply. She would really love to, but all she can muster is a nod and a loud, garbled sound that would make her feel embarrassed is she wouldn’t already be way past the point of caring. 

‘I haven’t even touched you properly and you’re practically _ gushing, _’ he lifts his head to look down at his finger sliding out of her and smearing her slick wetness all over her already drenched folds. As he starts making his way down her body, she can’t help the way her back arches to meet his mouth, or the ridiculous noise she makes when his hands cup both of her breasts so his mouth can more easily access them. 

He’s sloppy and probably as beyond caring as her, licking at her nipples and sucking each breast almost fully into his mouth. Rey has always had very sensitive nipples, but the idea of orgasming just from breast play has always been a bit ridiculous to her. But as her cunt starts clenching on empty she quickly realizes the idea is not _ that _ridiculous. Not when she’s this turned on.

‘Need...more,’ she pants. 

He obliges, moving further down and sliding two of his fingers into her. She’s been _ looking _ at those fingers. Fantasizing about those big hands on her and inside her. The reality is way better, especially when he scoots even lower on the bed, and with no preamble starts eating her out. He was intense last week, but now his lust and pleasure are running unchecked, responding to her moans with his own, taking her cues to do _ more _ when she arches and thrashes at a particular movement. His fingers are fucking her in earnest, unforgiving, stretching her open while his tongue is lapping wildly all over her clit. 

As he feels her starting to twitch and milk his fingers, he pulls out only to dip his tongue as deep in her as he can, releasing a heavy exhale on her clit when he feels her tremors on him. She’s a wild, whimpering mess as she edges the orgasm and feels it retreat frustratingly, out of her reach. 

He comes up for air, his chin and mouth shiny with _ her _for a moment before he wipes it away with his hand and moves above her on his hands.

‘I’m clean, but I can bring a condom,’ he says, hovering above her and waiting for her to come to her senses enough to respond to him.

‘I’m clean and on the pill,’ she nods.

He gives her a sloppy kiss, his lips so soft and hot now after he’s used them on her, his whole face still permeated in the scent of her sex. It makes her dizzy. She is so ready for him to lower himself down on top and sink into her, to fuck her hard and fast, but he surprises her by moving away to lay down on his back. 

‘Come on top,’ he’s gently pulling her towards him, coaxing her to straddle him, bringing her back to a sense of control and reality. She runs her hands up and down his chest for a moment, enjoying the way his chest expands at the caress. Then, she’s kissing him, moving down his body and reaching back to grasp his length and align him to her. 

When the head of his cock is against her, a shiver passes through her entire body. Her pussy definitely knows what follows, from the way it starts almost lurching inside in anticipation. He takes over, grabbing himself at the base so she can move to use both her arms to brace herself against the bed. 

As she moves to sink down on him, his arms come around her torso hugging her against his body and practically pinning her into place. He slides his cock from her entrance to her labia, up and down a few times and Rey starts thinking she might just pass out from all of this teasing. 

_ I didn’t peg him like some sort of Edge-Lord but here we are, _Rey thinks to herself and makes a frustrated sound in the crook of his neck.

He finally acquiesces, and lets the head of his cock catch at her entrance, loosening his grip around her to let her do the rest. He’s big. Even with how wet she is, the stretch is painful, but so, so delicious. However, there’s no rushing this. He moves only minutely, thrusting slowly out, and then allowing her to take as much as she can on the way back in. Once he’s fully sheathed in her, he makes a guttural noise, almost alarmed as he tightens his embrace to keep her in place again.

‘Let me adjust, you feel so wet. _ So good _,’ he whispers as she feels his cock twitch inside. He holds her still for a few experimental thrusts, having to stop with a loud moan for a few more times. Rey is grateful for getting this time to adjust to him herself, feeling how she’s yielding to his size with each new slide inside and sighing deeply when she feels his pleasure surging so high that he needs to stop.

Soon, he starts moving more steadily in and out and as his arms begin to roam up and down her back, she takes it as her cue to start moving her hips. As they momentarily get out of sync, he slips out of her and they both groan at the loss. He slides back inside and adjusts his pace to hers, letting her lead. She sits up to gain more leverage for the movement and he follows, kissing her - her neck, licking her breasts slowly and languorously, in contrast with how deep and hard they are slamming against each other now. 

He lies back down and grabs her hips to help her maintain the pace she’s setting, her cries getting louder and louder in the room. She looks down on him, feeling his gaze intense and watchful as she is riding him to orgasm, their loud pants and skin slamming against skin filling his quiet bedroom. His gaze is travelling down her body, down to where she is fucking herself on him and she remembers his rumbling voice in her ears.

_ It will be hard not to come at the sight of me balls deep in you. _

She looks down to see and the sight is enticing, the girth of him so wide, but still, she’s able to take him again and again. When she feels herself nearing that edge, she drives down on him until there’s no more to take and she starts grinding low, so low and deep. She’s never felt this full, her entire lower body on fire. 

‘Take it deep, baby, take it all in - Aah!’ he whispers almost incoherently as her insides are twitching and fluttering against his cock in a feeble attempt to clench around him when she is stretched so good and wide. 

‘I’m coming soon,’ she finds the strength to say, before the pleasure soars higher and higher and she is screaming.

‘Yes, come on me, fuck, I can feel you.’

Her orgasm tears through her pelvis, up her spine and hits her brain like a bolt of lightning. For a terrifying moment, it all goes black in her brain as everything stops in her furious release and she flops down on him, needing his arms to ground her back to reality.

His thrusts are purposeful now, fucking through her aftershocks in search of his own release. And she’s never ridden through an orgasm this long, the waves of pleasure washing over her with every one of his purposeful strokes. His arms come back around her and he anchors her to him as, this time there is no holding back. She has never experienced being fucked like this while on top, the way he’s holding her and thrusting hard and heavy into her with abandon so intense. 

She’s still crying out in response to his moans, the pleasure exquisite as his thrusts become erratic and he spills deep inside her with a yell, his cock jerking and twitching against something inside that stirs in response. 

He rides his aftershocks moving against her, bringing her closer to kiss her, so lusciously sliding against her and kissing her mouth like it’s the sweetest thing he’s ever had. She feels so full and slick with his spend inside her, and it does _ something _to her. She can’t stop from moving against him and one of her hands snakes between them to rub her clit. When he realizes what she’s doing, he holds her tighter against him, his mouth suddenly hungry on hers, his tongue thrusting in her mouth and sucking on hers, breaking apart to whisper nonsensical things in her ear and his cock pushing in slow, minute thrusts as deep as it can go.

She realizes that Ben Solo is indeed a dirty talker in bed. She was surprised at how quiet he’d been so far, but now it all comes out in a torrent.

_ Fuck baby, your pussy is gonna ruin me. You like feeling my cum inside you, don’t you? You want to come like this, so full of me. Fuck I am at the fucking end of you, my dick can’t go any deeper. I am gonna think of you coming, gushing with my cum tomorrow, baby and I’ll be hard all day, baby. _

He’s still so hard inside her and the way he’s grinding his hips and licking into her mouth, the way she feels the proof of his orgasm inside her is just so _ filthy and good _. 

‘Are you gonna come again, baby? Are you gonna show me how good you feel with me inside?’ he keeps urging her on quietly, listening intently to her gasps. 

This time it’s not a bolt of lightning, but her pleasure moves from her clit in ripples, concentrating deep, deep inside, where she can feel the mess he’s made. When she orgasms again, she burrows against him, throwing her head back as her pleasure slides effortlessly into a climax and she comes with a quiet moan.

‘Wow…’ he says as he cups the back of her head and holds her to his body.

‘Ungh’ is all she manages to reply.

They stay like this for a while. With her head under his chin and his arms still around her, letting their breaths calm and their heartbeats slow until his cock feels soft inside and she can feel him start slipping out of her.

She cups her hand to catch the overflow as they move apart. He’s suddenly holding a roll of paper towels he magicked from somewhere she didn’t see, and they both carefully wipe each other. The awkwardness from earlier is gone, replaced with a sort of tentativeness on both of their parts. He’s smug, barely pretending he’s not smiling, pinching and touching here and there while she’s occupied. She yelps and pretends to be irritated, but she’s not, batting his hands away and wanting them back as soon as they’re gone.

As he pulls the covers over both of them, she settles back into his embrace, feeling utterly relaxed and well used. 

‘You know there’s no way I’m letting you go now, don’t you?’ he asks, between kisses on the back of her neck. 

And she’s sleepy enough, disarmed enough, drunk on him enough to reply to him honestly.

‘I hope you won't.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What, an Update? Really?! Finally, yes, I know! 
> 
> This was supposed to be a bit more angsty and awkward first time but after TROS I said TO HELL WITH THAT, they are gonna have the best sex ever, I write what I want!
> 
> I might write an epilogue later, but currently the next chapters of my TROS fix-it 'I am with you' and my attention will be focused there.
> 
> Come say hi on Twitter @poopsiekittens


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